Who I am Today…

Today I’m full of appreciation.
Grateful, positive, laughing.
Everywhere I look I see possibilities.

Tomorrow I might feel the same way.
I might feel even better!

But I might not.

Tomorrow I might feel inadequate, worthless, broken.
Unable to fulfill my vision of what a mother should be.
Weak from pretending.

I will be reminded that PPD is always looming.

Creeping around corners, behind doors, in shadows.
Weighing me down with self doubt.
Challenging me to find a reason to stand up.

And there is one.
I will reach through the thick wall of sadness and hold onto it.
She’s beautiful.

I didn’t know I could love someone so much.
I will keep fighting.
To keep surviving.


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56 Responses to Who I am Today…
  1. RottenMom
    March 7, 2011 | 6:56 am

    This is absolutely beautiful. Keep reaching. Keep reaching.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 8, 2011 | 8:12 am

      you make me smile!
      thanks for coming by and making me feel stronger today!

  2. Galit Breen
    March 7, 2011 | 7:12 am

    So honest, raw and real. I love it. Hang in there. You already know this, bit the fight is worth it!

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 8, 2011 | 8:11 am

      Thank you.
      I do know this.
      I need a lot of reminders 🙂

  3. Kimberly
    March 7, 2011 | 8:05 am

    Oh I love you. You captured the mindset of PPD so well. Took my breath away. Hold that little girl close to your heart every time you lose your footing. She will save you.
    My son has saved and continues to save me everyday.
    You’re a wonderful Momma.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 8, 2011 | 8:11 am

      you… the hugest support of PPD moms!
      Thank you for everything you do.
      Your writing, support, encouragement.
      There is so much more!
      SO SO much more!

  4. Renee (2old2tap)
    March 7, 2011 | 8:59 am

    I can’t begin to imagine the impact of ppd. I can only send hugs and say what a good job you’re doing in living and loving in spite of it.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 8, 2011 | 8:10 am

      Thank you.
      You just stopping by and not downsizing the impact means so much.

  5. buttermilk80
    March 7, 2011 | 9:56 am

    Father, send peace where there is gloom. Present Your will among those who walk with broken legs. And heal the open wounds of sorrow. By the Name of Jesus, I pray.

    By His Grace.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 8, 2011 | 8:09 am

      Thank you for this.
      I have read it over and over.
      It came at the perfect time.

  6. yorkshiremummy
    March 7, 2011 | 11:24 am

    Wow, that is so beautiful. I’ve had more down than up days recently and your words hit home!

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 8, 2011 | 8:08 am

      I visited your blog.
      I left you some words.
      My heart goes out to you.

  7. blueviolet @ A Nut in a Nutshell
    March 7, 2011 | 2:42 pm

    Sometimes it’s hard to keep reaching, but it’s always worth it. Just beautiful!

  8. Yuliya
    March 7, 2011 | 3:11 pm

    Lovely. Great use of the prompt. You keep reaching and hold on!

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 8, 2011 | 8:08 am

      Thank you Yuliya.
      I’m so flattered you thought it was Lovely.

  9. Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos
    March 7, 2011 | 3:47 pm

    Such a different approach, but I love it. It gives me an excellent sense of you.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 8, 2011 | 8:06 am

      I can’t wait to read yours!
      Because… we are twitter soul mates! lol

  10. liz
    March 7, 2011 | 10:28 pm

    You WILL keep fighting and you WILL survive it! Kick some PPD ass!

  11. MamaRobinJ
    March 7, 2011 | 10:58 pm

    Great stuff. I know this feeling, although I find that one reason harder to grab on to sometimes. I wish I saw it as clearly as you do. Gah. That makes me want to cry just writing that.

    Still, great post.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 8, 2011 | 8:04 am

      Thank you Robin.
      Sometimes that feeling creeps over me too. Remembering my “old” life.
      But then I can’t imagine life without her.
      You have been a huge inspiration for my PPD writing!

  12. Dafeenah
    March 8, 2011 | 8:26 am

    Very well said. Keep being strong.

    Stopping by from TRDC

  13. Kris
    March 8, 2011 | 9:49 am

    Patience and flexibility is the key to motherhood. Hang in there!

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 10, 2011 | 4:37 pm

      I am attempting routine right now.
      Flexibility is going to be tough.

  14. Grace
    March 8, 2011 | 9:51 am

    you are absolutely right on! keep fighting!

  15. tracy
    March 8, 2011 | 10:31 am

    Incredible post. I want to give you the biggest hug. Keep fighting! xoxo

  16. Jack
    March 8, 2011 | 11:00 am

    You did a good job of telling the story about yourself.

  17. Miri
    March 8, 2011 | 1:24 pm

    I keep rereading this.

    I’ve been there too.

    Wish I could hug you, that we all could just fall into each other’s arms.

    When I was in the middle of it, I found respite in a friend who was just recovering her life from PPD.

    Just know that it does end, eventually.

    And keep hanging in till then.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 10, 2011 | 4:43 pm

      It sucks. That’s the truth.
      Its nice to have support.
      Thank you

  18. Elena
    March 8, 2011 | 2:27 pm

    I saw on twitter the other night you were a bit worried about your post…that concern was not needed! Great job on the post and fighting PPD.

  19. NotJustAnotherJennifer
    March 8, 2011 | 9:58 pm

    So real. Great job!

  20. transplantedx3
    March 8, 2011 | 10:34 pm

    Beautifully done. Thank you for sharing such rawness. I hope it makes you stronger to write about PPD. I’ve never experienced it, but I have other pain in my life, so I understand how something like it can strip away your entire self. Sending you big hugs.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 10, 2011 | 4:31 pm

      Amy. I visit your blog daily. I read of your pain. My heart goes out to you.
      All my hugs to you.

  21. Caitlin's Concepts
    March 8, 2011 | 11:01 pm

    Such a hard time to go through.. I wrote about PPD as well and, having experienced it and dealing with it yet again, I can totally relate to everything you said here. It’s so hard to know what each day will bring. Keep fighting!

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 10, 2011 | 4:30 pm

      I love you. Thank you for reading my post.
      I admire your writing so much!!

  22. Andrea
    March 8, 2011 | 11:28 pm

    For lack of a better word: AMEN!

    You do it! You keep fighting! Keep being! Keep doing!

    You also need to keep writing. Thank you for sharing. It’s an incredible burden, motherhood and emotions all swirled into one. You’ve done it justice by writing this.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 10, 2011 | 4:29 pm

      Thank you.
      Writing is my outlet. Where I let it all out.
      Your comment is lovely.

  23. hi! this totally captures what i feel from day to day. the emotions can be so draining. thanks for sharing!! =)

  24. Amy
    March 9, 2011 | 8:34 am

    This is such a beautiful piece! So well written. I have been struggling with similar issues lately, thanks for writing this.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 10, 2011 | 4:26 pm

      I’m so sorry that you know this struggle.
      I don’t wish it on anyone.
      Stay strong.

  25. Frelle
    March 9, 2011 | 8:38 am

    Thank you for being genuine, real, and writing about the struggle. Good to meet you thru trdc!

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 10, 2011 | 4:24 pm

      Thank you for reading my words.
      And then?
      For commenting so nicely on them.

  26. tulpen
    March 9, 2011 | 9:44 am

    Though I haven’t experienced the pain of PPD, the struggle and fight is something that I do live with… loved this.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 10, 2011 | 4:23 pm

      Thank you.
      We all have our struggles and things we are fighting.
      I’m flattered you loved it.

  27. Ellen
    March 10, 2011 | 1:14 am

    Absolutely beautiful… the words and the baby!

  28. Leigh Ann (The Twin Spin)
    March 13, 2011 | 1:13 am

    Beautiful. You’re an awesome lady.

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