Today is Monday…

Today is Monday.

In 8 days I go back to work.

This thought made me feel the heavy load of my PPD against my back.


In 8 days my baby goes off to daycare on her birthday.

More weight as the bricks got heavier.

I was frozen in fear with the suggestion of a stranger looking after my baby.

Will they see her walk before me?  What if she says  “mama” for the first time to someone else?

My knees buckled from the crushing load that pressed against me.

Today is Monday.

And I’m okay.

I can not freeze time.

PPD can not either.

As if to reassure me, last week my daughter began a developmental growth spurt.

A series of little advancements

One day she clapped her hands.

Stood on her own.

Said Mama!

The pieces of PPD began to fall away.

She began signing back “finished” and “more.”

And suddenly started looking like a big girl.

My back felt lighter, my shoulders more relaxed, PPD wasn’t as much of a threat.

Today is Monday.

8 more days and I’m still a mom and she’s still my baby.

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12 Responses to Today is Monday…
  1. Adrienne
    April 4, 2011 | 8:00 am

    8 days, huh? Prayers for a smooth transition are heading your way! 🙂

  2. Elena
    April 4, 2011 | 10:11 am

    I hope it all goes well. I will tell you that after having 2 kids & 2 maternity leaves, I think the hardest part was the anticipation – how will I do this? am I doing the right thing?, etc. Hugs to you and wishing you a smooth transition.

    p.s. It is so hard when work interferes with birthdays! The day of my oldest 1st birthday I had work & then parent open house that night – I saw him for about 10 minutes the whole day. Gut-wrenching. Just remember…she’ll never know. Celebrate on a Saturday.

  3. Grace
    April 4, 2011 | 10:47 am

    hugs mama! this too will pass and you will look back on it and be amazed at your strength!

  4. MamaRobinJ
    April 4, 2011 | 12:24 pm

    You’re on the right track and you’ll make it. Cherish those moments and remember that they’ll be even sweeter when you go back and you’re seeing her at the end of the day. You’ll have that overwhelming love wash over you and it will be okay.

  5. blueviolet
    April 4, 2011 | 12:59 pm

    Nothing will ever change that fact, mama!

  6. Andrea
    April 4, 2011 | 1:23 pm

    She will ALWAYS be your baby and you her mama. Always. Whether you’re home with her, away on vacation (ha!) or sitting in another room, you’re hers and she is yours.

    As always, beautiful post with great emotion. Thank you for sharing. I am sure it’s going to be a rough change and transition for you, but you can do it, you will do it and you and your baby will make it through! {hugs}

  7. Leigh Ann
    April 4, 2011 | 1:37 pm

    Yay for milestones! You and she will both be fine. She will LOVE daycare. My friends who have kiddos in day care say that they have a blast. My friend’s little girl is practically getting potty trained by the day care staff. That’s a plus, no?

    You are an awesome mom and you’ll STILL be an awesome mom when you go back to work.

  8. Kimberly
    April 4, 2011 | 1:57 pm

    She will always be your baby no matter what. I know how difficult it is…going back to work puts your entire routine and everything in a huge shift. It gets better. I promise. You can do this.

  9. Carina
    April 4, 2011 | 9:48 pm

    As a woman who’s not quite ready to have kids, it’s posts like this that remind me how brave all you mothers out there are. You all are amazing people and I hope to be among your ranks one day. 🙂

  10. Mom
    April 5, 2011 | 8:21 pm

    Trust me…she will still be your “baby” when she’s 30, and you will still worry about her. Great writing.

  11. MamaTrack
    April 8, 2011 | 8:03 pm

    I remember how hard it is to go back to work. I wish you luck. And, my experience, the anticipation was harder than the reality.

    Have a great weekend.

  12. […] after having my daughter, and being diagnosed with PPD, I remember staring at my busy baby and wondering how anyone ever got to the point of wanting more […]

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