“I don’t want to be your friend anymore.”
I couldn’t believe I was hearing her say these words.
The past weeks behaviour all began to make sense to me now. Her lack of contact, avoiding my calls, no time to hang out, and short blunt answers when we did talk.
I felt my face heat up as confusion swirled around in my head. What had I done wrong?
Why was she saying this to me in such a public forum? She didn’t even play baseball, she had no business being here if she didn’t want to be my friend.
I was so hot.
I looked at her, trying to search her face for a sign of the friend I knew. The friend I trusted and loved.
She avoided my eyes and leaned into her car taking a drag off of her cigarette.
“Why?” I barely squeaked the words out, my voice cracking and tears beginning to well.
“You know why.” She said, flicking her cigarette into the dirt and beginning to walk away.
But I didn’t know why.
She was my best friend. We were best friends.
When people spoke about us they used our name in unison because we were a team.
We faced every obstacle and triumph together.
Fights with parents.
I had opened my home to her when she needed a place to stay, helped her find a job, and my parents had paid to fix her car.
We supported and encouraged each other.
I was her biggest fan.
And now my friend was turning her back on me with no explanation.
Anger boiled inside of me and I was filled with hurt.
“After everything I’ve done for you, everything my parents have done for you! You just don’t want to be my friend anymore?”
My hands were shaking and forming into fists, my fingernails slicing into my palms.
I walked closer to her, begging her with my eyes to reconsider. To take back what she had said.
“I don’t want to talk to you.” She barked, looking away.
My heart broke.
I gathered my glove and water bottle and walked quickly to my car, the realization that this had just occurred in front of my whole team bringing me to tears.
My car provided a quiet bubble where I could gather my thoughts.
I don’t want to be your friend anymore.
Her words replaying over and over in my mind.
Close to 6 years later and I still hear her words.
Even though we’ve attempted to mend the friendship that day weighs heavily on my heart.
And the question of why remains unanswered.