Zombie Love

I’ve heard the theory that the world will end in the year 2012.

I’ve watched my fair share of zombie movies, with thanks to my brother.

I’m cautious about washing my fruits and vegetables, hand sanitizing, and ensuring I get my family checked out if I suspect one of us is ill.

I’m certain I would survive should a mutant virus sweep our planet turning everyone into zombies because I am prepared. I’ve done my research (watched a lot of zombie movies) and I’m confident I have acquired all of the necessary skills needed to fight the un-dead.
My swift ninja chop will easily slice the heads off of the approaching man-eating killers, my unwillingness to share will surely keep me well fed, and my lack of interest in small talk will allow me to stay well hidden.

But there’s a problem.

Brian will get me killed.

He has been sick for the past two weeks and throughout his illness I have noticed his not so subtle attempts at infecting me.

When he first became sick I brushed it off, he wasn’t really trying to get me ill, he just wanted a kiss. Then, in the throes of his flu he charged me, eyes bloodshot and puffy, nose running, voice hoarse, and asked me for a hug. Alarms went off and I backed up into the other room to breathe clean air.

He was turning.

I begged him to think about our daughter, to not let the zombie take over. To spare me.

He spared me, that time.

The final straw was a few days ago. Another wave of flu had hit our home and because I practice zombie virus avoidance I managed to remain healthy. Brian emerged from the bedroom looking weak, dehydrated, and pale. He smacked his lips together and asked for a drink. After reaching for a glass and turning around again he was right behind me, hands outstretched requesting a hug.

Zombie.

I asked him why he wanted to infect me.

I asked him if the world was ending and he and I were the last ones left would he still want a hug.

Yes he would.

Zombie.

I ran away.

Because I’m always in training.

And Brian, he’s the weak link people.

 


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34 Responses to Zombie Love
  1. Jessi
    May 9, 2011 | 7:36 am

    I think the real question here is, can zombies blog? You could totally corner a market. Silver lining?

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 9, 2011 | 10:16 pm

      I’m going to look into this.
      I fear you may be one…. you’re looking pale in your picture.

  2. Kimberly
    May 9, 2011 | 7:51 am

    Oh. Mah…this is hilarious. I think it’s safe to say that we will all be saved by Chuck Norris. So no need to worry my ninja friend 🙂

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 9, 2011 | 10:15 pm

      Thank God.
      This keeps me awake at night, but as long as Chuck has my back I’m good.
      Whew.

  3. Leigh Ann (The Twin Spin)
    May 9, 2011 | 8:04 am

    Brian and Christian must be long lost brothers. C is so clingy when he’s sick and it drives me mad! Hilarious.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 9, 2011 | 10:15 pm

      I don’t get why they have to cough right on us!
      so gross.
      so not sexy.
      so much a zombie

  4. Alison@Mama Wants This
    May 9, 2011 | 8:37 am

    LOL that’s hilarious! You know, you got me thinking. If I had to, I could probably survive a zombified world, I’ve had lots of practice!

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 9, 2011 | 10:15 pm

      You may join my team but only if you are willing to hack your husbands head off.
      This is harsh

  5. Adam
    May 9, 2011 | 8:47 am

    Hahaha!! Brian will be the downfall of the whole family!

    Another great post.

  6. Amy
    May 9, 2011 | 9:01 am

    HAHAHA!!! I think its a guy thing. I don’t get sick either, because the house would crumb around us.

    I am with Kim…. Chuck Norris to the rescue!

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 9, 2011 | 10:14 pm

      Men can’t handle illness… it makes them turn back into infants.

  7. Krista
    May 9, 2011 | 4:34 pm

    I’m with Amy. Craig gets sick all the time and I never do. Almost never, anyway. And when I do get sick, I soldier on because that’s what moms do. But, damn, I’d like a sick day once in a while too.

    Sorry.. was that not what this post was about?? haha!

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 9, 2011 | 10:13 pm

      LOL
      Men can’t handle being sick and women can’t get sick.
      No sick days for us.

  8. Jessica
    May 9, 2011 | 4:40 pm

    This reminds me of the movie Zombieland. If you haven’t seen that yet, you should. It’s hilarious (and stupid).

  9. Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos
    May 9, 2011 | 6:01 pm

    I hate zombies.

    HATE them.

    And their movies.

    The only exception? Zombies dancing Thriller.

    That being said. This post is awesome.

    I’m dying.

    Wait.. Crap.. Am I turning?

    Damn zombies!

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 9, 2011 | 10:12 pm

      I had a feeling you might be one.
      It’s your amazing writing!
      Too good to be human.

  10. Jessica
    May 9, 2011 | 6:08 pm

    So funny, I strategically run from zombies around here too, unless they are my children, then there’s no where to hide.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 9, 2011 | 10:11 pm

      I know it’s funny, children always know where we are hiding don’t they!
      I spare no one though… survival of the fittest.

  11. Carina
    May 9, 2011 | 6:25 pm

    LOL. That’s hilarious. Your training regimen is admirable, ninja mom. Think of the children… just remember to think of the children…

  12. Nic
    May 9, 2011 | 7:46 pm

    You make me laugh!!!!! Gosh I love you!!!

  13. Lindsay
    May 9, 2011 | 9:38 pm

    LOL I love you Leighann 🙂

  14. Elena
    May 10, 2011 | 7:00 am

    That is hilarious! Zombie virus avoidance! Like the new pic in the header. 🙂

  15. MamaRobinJ
    May 12, 2011 | 6:39 pm

    This is awesome! Now avoiding Zombie hugs at all costs.

  16. Danielle
    October 4, 2011 | 5:49 pm

    OMG I love this!! I am also very glad to know you are being very careful of the zombies coming and preparing!! Thank you for linking up for Zombie Tuesday!!!

    • multitaskingmumma
      October 5, 2011 | 9:25 pm

      Thank you for holding zombie tuesday.
      You might be surprised when you see how many Zombie posts I actually have LOL

  17. Coffee Lovin Mom
    October 4, 2011 | 9:03 pm

    I SO want you on my team! You can see them coming a mile away! I can usually avoid the illness but when it hits, I am the weak link – amazing how men become the weakest link ever and we still have to figure out how to get the laundry done no matter how sick we are..

    • multitaskingmumma
      October 5, 2011 | 9:24 pm

      Men all turn into zombies when they are sick.
      You can be on my team but you may have to leave your family.
      It’s the sacrifice you have to make.

  18. Sarcasm Goddess
    October 4, 2011 | 10:43 pm

    I am so glad you are safe! He is definitely a zombie. Let me know if you need back up to ward off his attacks.

    • multitaskingmumma
      October 5, 2011 | 9:22 pm

      I will let you know for sure.
      Umm.. but I probably won’t have time to get on the internet while I’m shooting his brain out.
      What?

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