Apocalypse Insurance

With the apocalypse being only a day away Brian and I thought we should review our life insurance policies.

We crunched numbers, looked at pie charts, talked about savings plans, mutual funds, and short/long-term investments.

Please.

Get me to the part where I get money when a zombie eats Brian.

There was paperwork to fill out, t’s to cross, i’s to dot and the pressure to purchase more insurance than necessary was mounting.  Thanks to my sharp wit, dangerous glare, and also a few threats daring him to cross me, the stress was quickly eased.

I may have also threatened him with an elbow to the chin.

Yes really.

Important information was necessary and Brian went first. I drifted off into a dream land where all the bills were paid (true he was now a zombie and had to be locked in the basement and fed raw steak and ground beef but we were happy).

My turn came. Name, drivers license, another form of ID, age, height, weight.

I says pardon?

Weight.

No.

We’re done here.

I was in the middle of telling insurance man to pack up and leave, of informing him that no amount of coverage, Day of Rapture or not, was worth my telling him TO HIS FACE what I weigh, when Brian came back in the room.

OH WOMEN, YOU KNOW WOMEN.

No, I don’t. I waited for them to enlighten me.

Let me tell you something about insurance men. They will wait you out.

Brian wouldn’t let me kick him out and I wasn’t telling my weight so that man just sat patiently and waited.

Well played my friend.

We now have coverage.

Also?

I think even zombies are smart enough to know they should never ask a woman her weight.

Leighann


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26 Responses to Apocalypse Insurance
  1. Alison@Mama Wants This
    May 20, 2011 | 11:05 am

    I totally laughed out loud at this line,

    “Get me to the part where I get money when a zombie eats Brian.”

    You’re my hero, Leigh Ann! He who dares ask a woman her weight deserves a bite from a zombie unicorn.

  2. Lindsay
    May 20, 2011 | 11:15 am

    BAAAHAHAHA – well…. since he obviously “guesstimated”…. he better have guessed LOW! Or you’ll be sending your zombie army after HIM!!!

  3. Jessica
    May 20, 2011 | 11:31 am

    This makes me want to double check my policy to make sure we are covered for zombies.

  4. Bruna
    May 20, 2011 | 4:24 pm

    He asked for your weight? Really? Good for you for not giving in. EVERYONE knows you NEVER ask a woman her weight or her age!

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 21, 2011 | 9:28 am

      He must be on the crazy train to go around asking women that question.
      I guess you have to have a certain amount of crazy in you to sell insurance.

  5. Theresa
    May 20, 2011 | 5:26 pm

    I laughed out loud several times here. Very funny. And in case we all get sucked up tomorrow, its been nice knowing all of you *sob*

  6. Jacqui
    May 20, 2011 | 5:37 pm

    This was a very funny last post before the end of the world.

  7. Amy
    May 20, 2011 | 6:08 pm

    I agree. Zombie’s aren’t as rude as insurance men. Its a fact.

  8. PoM
    May 20, 2011 | 7:19 pm

    Very entertaining! I hate insurance men too. They’re so pushy you have to be rude!

  9. Sassy Blonde Bitch
    May 20, 2011 | 7:33 pm

    Dang, didn’t even think about insurance for the apocalypse. You are one smart momma!

    But I am going out to dinner for PIZZA with extra cheese. Weight? Only the insurance man will know…

    Have a great weekend!

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 21, 2011 | 9:22 am

      I have to cover all my bases.
      You just never know.
      Cheese pizza is a fab choice!

  10. Rach (DonutsMama)
    May 20, 2011 | 8:23 pm

    He asked for your WEIGHT?? Are you kidding? I think it’s just ridiculous that they even go there. Ugh!

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 21, 2011 | 9:21 am

      Apparently health reasons.
      I say I don’t care… just guess.

  11. meatlessmouthfuls
    May 20, 2011 | 11:18 pm

    I SO understand the rage against the insurance man…except I’m not the one that has it! I all but have to slip the husband a roofie before we meet with our financial planner because he starts making idle threats in the car on the way there!

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 21, 2011 | 9:20 am

      Its the pressure they bring with them!
      The whole time saying “I’m not going to pressure you.”
      How patronizing.

  12. Nic
    May 20, 2011 | 11:49 pm

    Good for you! Asking your weight is so rude and really is it nessary!

  13. Ali
    May 21, 2011 | 9:09 am

    I remember doing that. Ewww. My daughter thinks I weigh 61 pounds so I guess I’m OK 🙂 If it makes you feel any better I bet the insurance guy left your house and cried.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 21, 2011 | 9:17 am

      I’m hoping he did.
      I should have spanked him all the way out the door.

  14. Karen @ Time Crafted
    May 21, 2011 | 3:35 pm

    Hmmm…I don’t think we’re covered for zombies, maybe a mad hatter or two, but I’ll have to check on zombies. But, I have a party to have fun at today, so there’s just no time for the end of the world and all! ;>

  15. MamaRobinJ
    May 25, 2011 | 12:05 pm

    Oh man, I just love you. Hilarious.

  16. Kimberly
    May 30, 2011 | 12:38 pm

    You and your zombies kill me!!

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