Bikes, Cars & Washed Up Stars

It’s Thursday.

Did you think I was going to leave you without a Throat Punch?

I wouldn’t dare.

I have the fabulous Lady Estrogen here to throw a left hook for me.

And her punches hurt!

She lifted weights, put on her brass knuckles, and the most revealing thing she had in her closet.

Okay, the outfit is daily apparel.

And with long legs firmly planted she delivered her strikes!!

Adventures in Estrogen

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Leighann, who happens to be a Sergeant in my platoon from another poon, has asked me to perform her Throat Punch Thursday this week. How in the world she thought I would be a good fit for this topic, I have no idea. Those of you who know me will know that’s blatant sarcasm; and for those of you who don’t know me – what’s up with that, seriously?

 

I have 3 honorary mentions for this week’s TPT so without further adieu, here they are in no particular order – which means I hate them all equally and refuse to show favoritism amongst such stupidity.

 

1. People on bikes that don’t use the bicycle lane, even though there is one. I cannot refer to these cargo pants, tie-dyed shirt, Converse shoe wearing idiots “cyclists”; no, they are just tree-huggers on 2 wheels and they are TAKING UP MY LANE. The town spends hundreds of thousands of tax-payers’ money to give you a dedicated lane and then you don’t even use it. I laid on my horn to tell the poky bastards to move over. My mother, who was in the car, was mortified but I was proud; they deserved far worse. Wha-pow!

 

A.  Bullet hole car decals. Anyone that has even one of these on their cars needs a good slap in the face along with a throat punch. And I furthermore suggest jagged cubic zirconia ringed double back-handed slaps for the owners of PT Cruisers with the bullet holes all over them. Dear owner, you are not a mobster and this is not 1920; and also, you are a fool. Wha-pow!

 

i. Melissa & Joey. They are BACK. Did you see this bull crap? It accosted my eyes and then in the commercial, Joey actually did a “Whoa!” and then my ears too fell victim to this invasion of all things good and dead and buried. I heard a glimpse of a PR interview where they were asked how they escaped the ‘child star’ curse. Ummm… if the curse is rehab, then perhaps yes, but from my perspective, the curse would be not to ever have needed or wanted to see your face on TV once you hit 20. For that curse, I would say you both have landed right smack dab in the middle of a steaming pile of television excrement. Please, both of you sit there while I give you a double crouching tiger right to the jugulars.  Wha-pow-pow! Right, Joey? Whoa!

 

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Ok.. I was not aware Joey was back.

This will haunt me.

Also?

I’m off to take all of the bullet holes off of my car.

Thank you for guest posting Lady E, you’re a rock star!!

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18 Responses to Bikes, Cars & Washed Up Stars
  1. Lady Estrogen
    July 7, 2011 | 6:00 am

    Yay! Thanks for having me over today, babe – it was fun :) I think if I did a Throat Punch Thursday every week, I’d get too carried away; I have little self-control when it comes to complaining.

    xx

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 7, 2011 | 8:57 am

      That’s exactly WHY I do a TPT every week, I need to vent!
      I would love to see you do one on your blog just to hear you let loose and swear!

  2. Nic
    July 7, 2011 | 7:00 am

    Great post! Very funny! I really dislike the bullet holes as well. It amazes me that someone is actually making money off that shit! Thanks ladies!

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 7, 2011 | 8:56 am

      Listen to you swearing over here!
      How’s your day going?
      LOL

  3. Jenn @ Fox in the City
    July 7, 2011 | 7:41 am

    I am right with you regarding those dame bullet holes!! Seriously, ponder for one moment how cool it would feel to actually get shot at . . . . yeah, not so cool.

    I have been lucky enough to avoid the whole Melissa and Joey thing but I can certainly sympathize.

    Finally, Lady E, I am most impressed with your self control . . . you just laid on your horn rather than running the hippy on two wheels off the road . . . well done my dear! ;)

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 7, 2011 | 8:56 am

      Talk to Mama Mash! Apparently she’s been shot at! She’s all gangsta up in here!

  4. Julie @ mamamash
    July 7, 2011 | 8:25 am

    If the bullet holes are real, that’s cool though, right?

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 7, 2011 | 8:55 am

      hahahahah!
      Gangsta

    • Lady Estrogen
      July 7, 2011 | 9:18 am

      REAL? Yeah, that’s total gansta – but no stickers! lol

  5. Alison@Mama Wants This
    July 7, 2011 | 9:38 am

    OMG what idiots! The cyclists and the fake bullet hole schmucks. It’s like, what??

    Lady E, I would LOVE to see you do TPTs regularly!

  6. Greta @gfunkified
    July 7, 2011 | 10:45 am

    Oh, yeah. Not only do we not have a lot of bike lanes in our area (so the “cyclists” always take up a good part of the lane), but we do have a lot of tractors. Driving 15 mph on the highway. Taking up more than an entire lane. Do you have an extra throat punch for them, Lady Estrogen? Thanks!

  7. Lindsay
    July 7, 2011 | 12:06 pm

    those bullet holes are seriously tacky.
    I saw them littered down the side of a mini-van.

    Huh?

    Yeah.

  8. Leigh Ann
    July 7, 2011 | 5:31 pm

    Bullethole decals! So effing ridiculous!!!!!

  9. Rach (DonutsMama)
    July 7, 2011 | 7:06 pm

    I didn’t know Joey was back either. The bullet holes get me too. And the cyclists–grrr! Must you ride on the busiest road at 5pm on a Friday?? Really, there is no other time?

  10. Elena
    July 7, 2011 | 7:17 pm

    I can’t stand when people don’t use the bike lane. I never get that. Then the ones who line up with the other cars at a stoplight as if they are a car. Definitely a TPT item!

    • Lady Estrogen
      July 7, 2011 | 8:34 pm

      BUT then the go through the red light using the pedestrian cross walk!!! Makes me irate! Pick one or the other, seriously.

  11. Jessica
    July 8, 2011 | 12:48 am

    I have no idea who Melissa and Joey are but I definitely agree with the bullet hole people. That is the stupidest thing I have ever seen.

  12. Kimberly
    July 8, 2011 | 2:33 am

    Oh those bullet holes are awful!! And Joey is back? Ugh.

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