Did you think I was going to leave you without a Throat Punch?
I wouldn’t dare.
I have the fabulous Lady Estrogen here to throw a left hook for me.
And her punches hurt!
She lifted weights, put on her brass knuckles, and the most revealing thing she had in her closet.
Okay, the outfit is daily apparel.
And with long legs firmly planted she delivered her strikes!!
Leighann, who happens to be a Sergeant in my platoon from another poon, has asked me to perform her Throat Punch Thursday this week. How in the world she thought I would be a good fit for this topic, I have no idea. Those of you who know me will know that’s blatant sarcasm; and for those of you who don’t know me – what’s up with that, seriously?
I have 3 honorary mentions for this week’s TPT so without further adieu, here they are in no particular order – which means I hate them all equally and refuse to show favoritism amongst such stupidity.
1. People on bikes that don’t use the bicycle lane, even though there is one. I cannot refer to these cargo pants, tie-dyed shirt, Converse shoe wearing idiots “cyclists”; no, they are just tree-huggers on 2 wheels and they are TAKING UP MY LANE. The town spends hundreds of thousands of tax-payers’ money to give you a dedicated lane and then you don’t even use it. I laid on my horn to tell the poky bastards to move over. My mother, who was in the car, was mortified but I was proud; they deserved far worse. Wha-pow!
A. Bullet hole car decals. Anyone that has even one of these on their cars needs a good slap in the face along with a throat punch. And I furthermore suggest jagged cubic zirconia ringed double back-handed slaps for the owners of PT Cruisers with the bullet holes all over them. Dear owner, you are not a mobster and this is not 1920; and also, you are a fool. Wha-pow!
i. Melissa & Joey. They are BACK. Did you see this bull crap? It accosted my eyes and then in the commercial, Joey actually did a “Whoa!” and then my ears too fell victim to this invasion of all things good and dead and buried. I heard a glimpse of a PR interview where they were asked how they escaped the ‘child star’ curse. Ummm… if the curse is rehab, then perhaps yes, but from my perspective, the curse would be not to ever have needed or wanted to see your face on TV once you hit 20. For that curse, I would say you both have landed right smack dab in the middle of a steaming pile of television excrement. Please, both of you sit there while I give you a double crouching tiger right to the jugulars. Wha-pow-pow! Right, Joey? Whoa!
Ok.. I was not aware Joey was back.
This will haunt me.
I’m off to take all of the bullet holes off of my car.
Thank you for guest posting Lady E, you’re a rock star!!