Throat Punch in Real Time

I was going to give out my throat punch this week to a large group of socially inept idiots but I decided to narrow it down. This helps me ensure my punch makes contact.

I hate missing.

I also hate the clinic. It is filled with sick, tired, and frustrated people who lose sight of where they are and that they are still humans.  People who are representing their family and should act appropriately.

That being said.

I packed in my purse a giant Throat Punch before I left because I knew someone would need it, and it just so happens I was sitting right across from two unruly teenagers who did!

I can forgive that the girl was wearing pajama pants and Uggs because she was sick yo!

I can let it slide that she wanted m&m’s and demanded her boyfriend go and purchase a bag for her, who am I to judge her cravings when on her death-bed?

But I cannot stop the hairy eye balls that I shoot across at them when pajama teen drapes herself across three chairs and exclaims “I’m so G*d Damn Sick.”

Oncoming Throat Punch.

I held back because I understand being sick. I have had a tough go these past couple of months and I get it, so I thought I would let it slide.

And then the hitting started.


I was fairly certain that hitting as a display of affection ended in grade 2, however, times change. I also don’t remember the hitting being quite so hard and matched with such anger.

My patience immediately ended when a mother and her little girl sat down beside me. A little girl my daughters age.

I reached in my purse and grabbed my Throat Punch, ran my fingers over it.

The two sloths were arguing over texting when I glanced up and had begun another round in the ring, my heart raced and I prepared myself for when I would be tagged in.

My turn came sooner than I anticipated.

Pajama pants became angry and boomed an F which was matched just as fast by her boyfriend who boomed another right back.

I picked up my Throat Punch and whipped it at both of them, ensuring contact came hard and fast.

It was met with resistance but I persisted.

I slapped the boy with a second, reminding him that I didn’t care if he was in a public place, I would slap his larynx all the live long day if it meant that he kept his mouth shut.

He did.

And I enjoyed the rest of my clinic visit in peace and quiet.

Conclusion: Never leave home without your Throat Punch.

Go check out the host of Throat PunchThursday at The Truth About Motherhood


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38 Responses to Throat Punch in Real Time
  1. Deb
    July 28, 2011 | 7:22 am

    I’m glad you were able to finish your visit in relative peace.

    After reading this, Throat-Punch Thursday seems like my kind of recurring post. I haven’t found one yet, but this? Love.

    I reached in my purse and grabbed my throat punch, ran my fingers over it.
    Oh, how I wish I’d had this image in my mental armory yesterday morning! The good news is I now have it for the next similar conversation, which is apt to be only a couple of days away.

    Thank you for that.

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:30 pm

      Glad you enjoyed it!
      thank you for reading and keeping that memory with you when you need it.

  2. Truthful Mommy
    July 28, 2011 | 9:26 am

    bwahahaha! I swear, I hate teenagers! Seriously! I was a jerk when I was one and I am sure my daughters will be when they are and I will be paid back for all the pain and suffering I inflicted on my mom. So glad you throat punched them back to reality. Im telling you my Throat Punch Army is righting all the wrongs of the world!Asshats of the world be forewarned. You go girl!

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:29 pm

      I’m petrified for when my daughter becomes a teen.
      I’m going to be the bitchiest mother.

  3. Bruna
    July 28, 2011 | 9:54 am

    Ha hahahah, I love the way you wrote this. I need to pack my Throat Punch in my purse too! There have been SO many times when I’ve wanted to tell off teenagers and rude, inconsiderate people in general!

    Glad you finally go to enjoy your clinic visit!

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:29 pm

      thanks Bruna!
      always pack that throat punch.. you will need it.

  4. Jenn @ Fox in the City
    July 28, 2011 | 10:06 am

    Good for you!!! I cannot stand rude and ignorant behaviour.

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:28 pm

      No kidding!
      Why aren’t kids taught to be respectful anymore?

  5. Runnermom-jen
    July 28, 2011 | 12:51 pm

    Ha! Thank you for sharing this! I wish I could have been there to see it! Stupid idiots.

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:28 pm

      So frustrating!
      I am so annoyed with disrepectful teens

  6. Paulette (MsPDrama)
    July 28, 2011 | 12:58 pm

    Love Love LOVE the way this was done! I teach my kiddos that manners matter all the time. I’m probably rude cause when I see people setting bad examples I say something like, “I don’t care what you see others doing but my children will follow the rules.” or “That is exactly why I teach y’all that manners matter all the time.” I may just have to start packing Throat Punch in my purse. too.

    FYI: The first statement I actually said at NRH20 (local water park) when we were in line for the Green Extreme (a water coaster) and were right at the top where you load into the raft. There’s a black line that you are supposed to stay behind til you are told by life guard to enter the area. There was a huge group of 12 people in front of us. (it’s 2 per raft ride) all grouped in the loading area. Kids behind the people behind us were standing right at the line. I kept reminding mine to stay behind the black line. One of mine said “But those people and those aren’t.” That’s when I said what I said. The looks on faces were hilarious. Just had to share that. Thanks.

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:27 pm

      I love that you are teaching your children to be respectful.
      Teach by doing!
      So important.

  7. Amy
    July 28, 2011 | 2:41 pm

    This is good! I am so going to have to carry a throat punch with me from now on.

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:26 pm

      Yes you should.
      they are useful in so many situations.

  8. Paula@Simply Sandwich
    July 28, 2011 | 6:26 pm

    Bravo! A well deserved Throat Punch! 🙂

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:26 pm

      Thank you!!
      I should be payed to police the clinics of the world.

  9. Lindsay
    July 28, 2011 | 7:53 pm

    Teenagers can be real a$$h*les.


    I totally believe you said that.

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:26 pm

      I absolutely told the punks to shut their holes.
      He told me no.
      I told him YES YOU WILL.
      And he did.
      The End.

  10. Julie @ mamamash
    July 28, 2011 | 9:25 pm

    Will my throat punch fit in my purse with all the other crap, or should I maybe get it its own bag?

    I hated the waiting room in our old clinic. People were so LOUD. And RUDE. And ENTITLED. My new one is a bunch of old people, so it’s quiet. A little smelly, but quiet.

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:24 pm

      I just found out we have a new clinic.
      I will be going there next time… but I will bring my throat punch.
      You never know.

  11. Alison@Mama Wants This
    July 28, 2011 | 9:29 pm

    I love the way you did this Throat Punch!! Carrying it around as a weapon 🙂 Those two deserved it. In fact, they also deserve roundhouse kicks. Will your purse be able to fit those in?

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:24 pm

      I may have to purchase a bigger one, but who doesn’t love a reason to go purse shopping?

  12. Jessica
    July 29, 2011 | 1:34 am

    I will never get out of line around you.

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:22 pm

      I will always save your spot! xo

  13. Kimberly
    July 29, 2011 | 2:06 am

    I love the way you did this! I can’t stand when people have no regard for who is around when they use certain language. Those two sure deserved those throat punches!

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:22 pm

      FOR SURE!
      I get very irritated with teens and adults who have zero social skills.

  14. Carri
    July 29, 2011 | 3:15 pm

    THIS. This was awesome! I love how you made the Throat Punch a tangible item instead of just throwing the word “asshole” around like I do.

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:02 pm

      Thank you so much Carrie!
      This means more than you will ever know!
      You post are so on point and hilarious.
      I’m so flattered you liked it.

  15. Karen
    July 29, 2011 | 3:27 pm

    How big is this Throat Punch? Does it fold up for easy purse storage? I think we need a visual reference so we know what we are dealing with here. LOL! I just love it! Self absorbed teens, and some adults I’ve seen in waiting rooms and other places definitely need throat punches and possibly round house kicks. I can totally get into this.

    • multitaskingmumma
      July 29, 2011 | 10:00 pm

      I like to fold mine up and keep it in an old lipstick tube… I sneak it out on unsuspecting idiots.
      They always think I’m just putting on my face.

  16. Kristy @PampersandPinot
    July 31, 2011 | 4:17 pm

    I find these surly, tragic teenagers funny. I like to laugh at them.

    • multitaskingmumma
      August 1, 2011 | 9:19 pm

      Life is so hard for a teenager, everything is magnified by a million.

  17. sarah @bringmommythevodka
    July 31, 2011 | 4:27 pm

    right on sista! every teenager deserves a throat punch at least once in their life (although probably more!)

    • sarah @bringmommythevodka
      July 31, 2011 | 4:28 pm

      oops! forgot to say I was following from sunday funday! love your blog!

      • multitaskingmumma
        August 1, 2011 | 9:18 pm

        thank you so much!!

  18. Dana K
    July 31, 2011 | 9:00 pm

    I would have gone bat-shit crazy on those jerks. In fact, I would have probably deserved a nice throat-slap reminder that I am a thirty-something year old mother and not single twenty-something without any real responsibilities.

    I’m sure you delivered the throat punch splendidly.

    • multitaskingmumma
      August 1, 2011 | 9:18 pm

      I love giving a good throat punch to teens.
      They’re snotty and have no respect… some.. not all!

  19. “The Sick” | Multitasking Mumma
    May 16, 2013 | 7:29 pm

    […] Or to sit there while teenagers swear and kick each other requiring me to take out my trusty Throat Punch. […]

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