Time stood still. Air particles, wind and my own breath remained frozen in space while the words that had just been spoken echoed in my ears.
She was obviously reading the wrong file; the wrong name had been picked up from the stack and this would be cleared up in a moment.
We needed daycare subsidy.
Slowly time began to move forward again and as if through mud my fingers flipped through the mound of documents on my lap. I double checked numbers and financial information to make sure they had received everything I was supposed to send.
Were they reading the same figures that I was?
The room became hot and my thoughts swirled around my head uncontrollably. Unable to grab hold of a plan I became confused.
Where would we find the extra money each month?
Questions danced unanswered creating sweat beads that slid down my face, or was that tears?
The voice on the phone, calm and reassuring, asked if I had any questions; was there anything more I needed?
I paced the floor and only then realized I had been pulling on a chunk of my hair since the start of the conversation. As pain and denial shot through my neck I answered her.
‘No, thank you for your time.”
All alone and feeling defeated, frustrated, and humiliated I let sadness engulf me.
I had no control.
I laid my head down and buried it into my arms surrendering to the depths of my despair.
When would the challenges stop?
Editors Note: This is part of the ongoing struggles we are having with our government who encourage Ontario residents to go to work and be successful but once they are they yank away all of their supports so they are back to being working poor. The lack of care is disheartening.