What Do I Say My Friend?

When a friend feels the pain of depression, or the weight of failure it can be hard to know what to do.

It can seem overwhelming; the problems so large and complex that words don’t seem to make a dent in the dark cloud surrounding your once sunny comrade.

Maybe your friendship isn’t what they need right now?

You could just give them space?

While you drift away from your friend, their screams for help scratch desperately at your memory.

They need you.

Now is not the time to leave.

All of us have a friend right now who is clawing at the surface.

Who is begging for us to hear their pleads for help.

Through their words, written or spoken, they are crying out for someone to listen, to relate, and to support them.

Don’t leave, click away, or disappear when they reach for you.

Stay around, open your arms, and let them know you are here and you bring love.

 

 

This post is written for all of my friends in bloggy world feeling the pull of failure and the funk lately.
I love you all, you are all strong and you will get through this!

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35 Responses to What Do I Say My Friend?
  1. Alison@Mama Wants This
    September 14, 2011 | 7:27 am

    Aw, Leighann, you’re just the sweetest! You know if YOU need a friend, I’m right here. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 17, 2011 | 7:15 am

      Thank you Alison… You are wonderful, I hope you know this!

  2. Jenn@Fox in the City
    September 14, 2011 | 7:28 am

    I know that I have been difficult to be around what with the blackness that must radiate off of me at times but I am so grateful to all that have withstood the darkness just to be there for me.

    Thank you for this post.

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 17, 2011 | 7:14 am

      I don’t think that you have been difficult at all.
      You have needed support.
      You have needed love.
      Just as many of us have had our own turns of needing the love and encouragement of friends.
      That is what a community is for.
      We are here for you.
      I am here for you. xo

  3. Mark
    September 14, 2011 | 7:50 am

    Okay.
    I have a friend to call now.
    m.

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 17, 2011 | 7:10 am

      YOU!
      you are good people!
      xo

  4. Jen {at} take2mommy
    September 14, 2011 | 9:44 am

    Such a wonderful, thoughtful post. And a good reminder of the power of love and friendship. Great job Leighann!

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 17, 2011 | 7:10 am

      Thank you so much Jen.
      I thought there was a lot of people who could use it.

  5. Liz (ShorelineMommy)
    September 14, 2011 | 12:34 pm

    Did you write this post for me? It sure feels like it. I’ve felt very down lately and have been struggling with some heavy issues. But I also worry that I don’t do enough for friends with their own struggles, or family that may need a helping hand. This post really resonated with me and I am going to share it with my husband. Thank you so much for being who you are!

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 17, 2011 | 7:10 am

      Liz,
      Its very hard to support and encourage family and friends when we’re going through our own stuff.
      I understand that completely.
      Keep fighting to get through this. There are so many ups and downs that make it a hard struggle but that’s what makes us warriors!

  6. Julie @ mamamash
    September 14, 2011 | 12:53 pm

    It seems like a lot of us are in the dumps right now.

    My question is, what do you do when an IRL friend struggles with mental illness and attacks you, then blames you for all their problems? How can you be there for a friend like that?

    Ugh. It’s been such a long couple of weeks. Can I come stay at your place? 🙂

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 17, 2011 | 7:07 am

      I’ve been thinking about this question and it’s a really hard one.
      Your friend is still struggling.
      Pushing you away for many reasons; they are hurting, they may not even know they are doing it, they want to know you will be there no matter what they do to you.
      Mental illness is a bitch.
      If your friend truly is ill be there. They need you.
      BUT voice that you will not tolerate the abuse.

      You may come stay with me as long as you cook.

  7. Leigh Ann
    September 14, 2011 | 4:13 pm

    It’s so easy to back away when others are in need. Like they won’t notice that you’re not around. But that’s when they need you the most. I admit, I do it too. Lovely post, friend. 🙂

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 14, 2011 | 8:56 pm

      So many people think that backing away is the answer.
      Many because they just don’t know what to say.
      Thanks for reading my friend!!

  8. Kimberly
    September 14, 2011 | 6:51 pm

    That is the best advice ever. Just knowing that we have a friend there to listen, cry to, scream to, laugh with means the world of a difference.
    It’s hard to know what to say…but just be there. That’s all we ask.
    Tweeted this but your @ name didn’t pop up with it. Poop on that LOL

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 14, 2011 | 8:54 pm

      Damn it..

      I’ve been meaning to fix that.

      GAH.

  9. Sweaty
    September 14, 2011 | 7:55 pm

    Thank you for writing this post.

    Most people’s awareness of depression has always come from accounts of those who battled depression. Not many are aware that it actually should be a two-way thing. That it is just as important for family members and friends to really open their eyes and reach out to help those who are depressed.

    Many times those who are depressed are too depressed to seek help. The nature of depression is such that he or she tends to withdraw from others. If friends and family aren’t aware of the possibility of depression, they could interpret it wrongly and judge the withdrawal as not wanting any help.

    Your message here is one that needs to be made aware to many, many more people!

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 14, 2011 | 8:53 pm

      Thank you for this comment.
      You hit the nail on the head. Many people with mental illness and depression sink into themselves.
      They need a friend to bring them out.

  10. Crystal
    September 14, 2011 | 8:33 pm

    This post couldn’t have come at a better time. Thank you!
    Crystal

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 14, 2011 | 8:52 pm

      I’m so glad that it was helpful for you Crystal! xo

  11. Rach (DonutsMama)
    September 14, 2011 | 10:14 pm

    Sometimes we just need to know people are there. Like really there, not the whole “Call if you need me.” You call. You text me. And I’ll do the same. I needed this today. Been having a tough few days.

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 17, 2011 | 7:05 am

      I hope things have gotten a bit sunnier for you.
      I have my good days and bad days and in the bad days I feel like it’s not going to get any better ever.
      It can really get depressing.
      BUT then the good days make me remember that it does get better! I have support! I’m okay!
      You’re okay, you will get better, and I am here no matter what!

  12. Kimberly
    September 14, 2011 | 10:51 pm

    Can I hug you? You’re just the sweetest. I needed this today. Been having a rough few days. But, I need YOU to know, that I will always be here for you. Remember that. Also? I love you.

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 17, 2011 | 7:04 am

      Thank you so much Kimberly!
      You may hug me!
      and then we will break it down, you can pick the music.

  13. Hopes@Staying Afloat!
    September 14, 2011 | 11:19 pm

    I think just letting people know you are there, willing to listen or just thinking about them goes a long way! Love this post!

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 17, 2011 | 7:03 am

      You’re so right… not walking away is huge.

  14. Jessica
    September 14, 2011 | 11:28 pm

    I’m not depressed but I have had a major funk going on ever since I went to BlogHer. it’s been very hard to break. Thank you for your words and for being my friend.

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 17, 2011 | 7:02 am

      I hate hearing this!
      Why since BlogHer?
      A funk is still crappy. It still sucks and it still feels lonely.
      I’m thinking of you.

  15. Krista
    September 15, 2011 | 12:39 pm

    It does seem like that funk thing is going around, doesn’t it. 🙁 Sweet post.

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 17, 2011 | 12:56 am

      It really does… maybe it’s the change of season.

  16. Klz
    September 17, 2011 | 11:02 am

    An excellent reminder if ever there was one.

  17. Robin @ Farewell, Stranger
    September 17, 2011 | 6:48 pm

    You always know just what to say to people, and why it matters. That’s why you are da bomb.

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 20, 2011 | 8:23 pm

      Thank you Robin.
      You have no idea how much that means.

  18. tt
    September 18, 2011 | 5:20 pm

    Great post Mama.xoxoxoxo

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 20, 2011 | 8:22 pm

      thank you TT.
      So glad you came by xoxox

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