I Believe in You

“You look sick.”

Those words hit me like a slap in the face and I fight to hold back the tears that immediately spring to my eyes.

Don’t call me that.

My emotions are on a roller-coaster ride and didn’t get the memo from management that I don’t want to cry in front of people.

I’m not sick.

Taking a deep breath I attempt to yank myself, my real self, from within the depths of the shadows that are pulling me further and further inside them.

I’m in here… fight for me.

I have beaten this twice before; this ugly darkness that takes me from my family and threatens to make me into a different person.

You are not that person, do not let the darkness win.

Every day I fight this war, a battle I thought I had already won, and some days I need reminders that I shouldn’t give up.

Please don’t give up, I’m still in here.

Some days I need reminders that I was once a fearless warrior and I can do it again.

I believe in you, I always have.

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24 Responses to I Believe in You
  1. Alison@Mama Wants This
    December 6, 2011 | 5:57 am

    I believe in you, girl. I do. Keep fighting. ((hugs)) xoxo

  2. Galit Breen
    December 6, 2011 | 7:24 am

    I believe in you.

    {Truly}

    Much love to you, friend.

  3. Ali
    December 6, 2011 | 7:30 am

    Thinking of you.

  4. Not a Perfect Mom
    December 6, 2011 | 8:10 am

    oh sweetie…
    we all believe in you….you can do this…

  5. Jenn@Fox in the City
    December 6, 2011 | 9:02 am

    Not only do I have complete faith that you can do this but I am willing to put money on it. Dinner on me when you are back to feeling like your warrior self . . . or even before then!

    You are amazingly strong. You have lifted me up so many times and for that I am so grateful. You can do this and you will do this. ((hugs))

  6. Lady Estrogen
    December 6, 2011 | 9:04 am

    ZENA! I know you’re in there, baby!
    Kick some darkness ass 🙂
    x

  7. Mommakiss
    December 6, 2011 | 9:43 am

    Believing in you is key, woman!

  8. Cindy
    December 6, 2011 | 11:57 am

    Hang in there! You’re awesome–just remember that.

  9. Kindred Adventures
    December 6, 2011 | 12:24 pm

    I am new here. Something brought me here about a week ago. I decided I wanted to learn more about you and read more of your story. I can not imagine how you feel right now and I have never been there. I have had my moments of darkness, but I’ve never been to the depths. I do know this. The blogging community is tremendously supportive and will hold you up when you are down, sit and listen when you need to talk and offer any support you want.

    It does sound like that amazing warrior is there! -Laverne

  10. Jessica
    December 6, 2011 | 12:46 pm

    Keep believing and keep fighting. We are here for you.

  11. Leigh Ann
    December 6, 2011 | 1:28 pm

    I’m so sorry you’re hurting, friend. I hope your real self wades through all the muck and fights her way out of the dark. xo

  12. JDaniel4's Mom
    December 6, 2011 | 1:35 pm

    Realizing that you have a warrior in me helps me through tough times.

  13. Tiffany
    December 6, 2011 | 2:45 pm

    I believe in you. I’ve been there. I see you. I’m here.

  14. Amber
    December 6, 2011 | 3:45 pm

    *hugs* You are a strong beautiful woman who I am proud to know. Keep the battle going. You have so many of us here for you.

  15. Kir
    December 6, 2011 | 4:49 pm

    I read this this morning and thought of you all day..trying to form words to tell you how I stand in awe of your strength and power. If anyone can fight away those feelings it’s you and I want you to know you are surrounded by people who adore you, believe in you, will do whatever you need.

    You hit publish…the hardest part is over my friend. Xoxoo

  16. katery
    December 6, 2011 | 8:15 pm

    you are still YOU. i believe in you.

  17. Cathy
    December 6, 2011 | 8:42 pm

    My heart breaks for what you are going through. I am so grateful that you have such a strong support group from your blogging friends. People you did not even know a year ago. They will not give up, I will not give up and don’t you ever think of giving up. You are never alone. xoxox

  18. Rach (DonutsMama)
    December 6, 2011 | 9:48 pm

    You can do this. We all believe in you. Anytime, I’m only a tweet away, sister.

  19. Julie
    December 9, 2011 | 1:48 pm

    Depression is your glands lying to your body. Sometimes I tell myself it’s just gas.

    That doesn’t always work. Thank goodness for Twitter.

    I hope you are still working to actively treat and overcome this present darkness.

    Muah.

    • multitaskingmumma
      December 12, 2011 | 9:26 pm

      OMG I laughed so hard when I read this.

      I have a lot of gas.

      What.

  20. Miss Marina Star
    December 11, 2011 | 8:47 pm

    Reading through your comments, I’m touched by the many women who love and support you. I’m also honored to add myself to their numbers. I have been there, I have come out, I have gone back down again. Sometimes it’s an hourly struggle, I know.

    I believe in you, as well.

    • multitaskingmumma
      December 12, 2011 | 9:10 pm

      Thank you so much for being one of my encouraging supporters.
      It means more than you could every know.
      xo

  21. […] am going to see the crazy doctor tomorrow and I’m feeling a little […]

  22. Sarah @ The Fence
    December 22, 2011 | 12:05 am

    You can absolutely do this. Kick ass. See you doc. Take whatever meds. Get into good healthy habits that shift your brain into the gear you WANT it to be in! You can do this! You can you can!
    AND… Julie’s right… calling it gas makes you laugh. That releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. It’s a GAS!

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