Teenagers… They’re Just Constipated

On our “big night out,” Friday night I looked up between my attempts at pulling crayons from my daughters mouth, and trying to keep her screams at an indoor volume, and noticed the servers in the corner wrapping silver wear giving me the hairy eye ball.

Sometimes I can jump to conclusions so I brought it to Brian’s attention.

“Did that girl just give me snake eyes on her way by?”

Brian, being an optimist, assured me that I must have been mistaken.

“She’s just angry at the world hun, not you specifically, she wants to be at home getting ready to go out partying, not here serving families.”

This is why I keep him around!

“Well, it’s Friday night, this IS our party.”

Take a good look at your future girl.

While you sit there giggling with your co-workers, and count down the hours until you can go dance the night away, I see how much sour cream I can get on my quesadilla.

As you pick out the perfect outfit in your head, I pretend that my child’s bib is a magic cape so that she’ll want to put it on.

The rhythmic tapping that you unconsciously drum out with spoons and forks, in an attempt to copy your favourite songs, provides the perfect beat for Twinkle Twinkle and Itsy Bitsy; the soundtrack of my life.

When the DJ calls last call and you wait for the “ugly lights” to come on, I’m sound asleep with a toddlers foot in my face, and have been for 4 hours.

And those stink eyes?

Please.

I’m a mom now. Those eyes mean nothing more than teenage angst to me.

Or constipation.

Eat more fibre my dear, I’m out for dinner, didn’t have to cook, don’t have to clean up, and someone is waiting on me.

Nothing is going to ruin this!!

 

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48 Responses to Teenagers… They’re Just Constipated
  1. Galit Breen
    January 30, 2012 | 7:52 am

    Nicely played, friend. Nicely played, indeed.

    {And oh m, yes- asleep for four hours. At least.}

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:59 pm

      I can’t pull the all nighters I used to. No. Way.

  2. Kapaldo Family
    January 30, 2012 | 8:38 am

    We went out for lunch this weekend for my birthday. We got a lot of looks as we toted our 3 girls (all under 4). It took me some time, but I got over it, and enjoyed spending time with my pretty well-behaved kiddos.
    We’re still working on the sleep thing…not easy with a 3 month old. One day!

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:58 pm

      I’ve come to the conclusion that children don’t sleep until their teenagers and then they don’t wake up.

  3. Jenn@Fox in the City
    January 30, 2012 | 8:43 am

    Bwhahahaha! “Eat more fibre” . . . good advice for so many. 😉

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:56 pm

      Including me!
      shhh.

  4. imperfectmomma
    January 30, 2012 | 9:47 am

    LOL! Definitely constipated! Love how Brian calmed you down thats awesome. My hubby does the same thing. And those pictures? You are hysterical

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:55 pm

      HA!
      Brian doesn’t like it when I mock people so he tries to have me see the other persons perspective.

  5. Kir
    January 30, 2012 | 11:25 am

    I always do this to you, but yes I’m going to do it again. About 2 weeks ago we were going out for the boys birthday…the nigth before…we got a LATE start and the place we were going to was going to be PACKED, a long wait..etc. My “native were restless” already and I had a “Skip the line” pass that I had earned with ALL THE FOOD I buy at this place with me. I really had no intention of using it, but when we got the front door the wait was almost an hour and after my NYE debacle with the Hour+ wait, I handed over the paper.

    The hostess looked at me, looked at the boys and gave me a dirty look. WTH??? Now I knew that some people were going to be angry with me (Customers) but the hostess too? Then I heard the servers fighting over who would take care of us…My boys are restless, but they are never ever BAD. EVER. So I tried to be extra nice to the waitress who picked the short straw, we literally did get looks all night long….

    then I asked them to bring us dessert and sing to my kids for their birthday, because if you are going to make my evenng miserable…then I’ll return the favor. 😉

    I agree with all you said, teenagers and even early 20’s need to justtake a nice deep breath and be glad they aren’t raising TWINS…yet 😉

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:55 pm

      You get a free pass at restaurants that you eat at frequently?
      WHAT??
      That’s awesome! AND if they are giving them out then they shouldn’t be giving the stink eye if you use it, that’s what it’s for.
      Good for you for making them do their JOB!

  6. Mark
    January 30, 2012 | 11:40 am

    You sound like you have experience being a teenager. They are such odd creatures. And if any of mine, one day, give me the “stink eye”, I’ll slap it off them!
    m.

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:53 pm

      This is why I love you.

  7. Paulette
    January 30, 2012 | 1:05 pm

    Oh how I’ve had some version of this scene over and over the last 10 yrs. It’s even more fun when your 10 yr old can comment on the hotness of the waitress or you 7 and 5 yr old girls giggle at the handsome waiter cause they are practicing flirting already. I heart it so much it should be outlawed…Yes even when I don’t always enjoy it in the moment. =P

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:52 pm

      AWWWW
      I can’t wait for the moment when our daughter is able to have conversations with us at dinner.
      Your kids sound sweet.

      • Paulette
        February 2, 2012 | 8:58 am

        They are. Some days more than others but all so very worth it.

  8. Miss Marina Star
    January 30, 2012 | 1:35 pm

    I have been there and am always super self conscious while eating with kids at a restaurant. Maybe we get the stink eye because subconsciously the young ones know that they are looking at their future and it’s scary! 🙂

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:51 pm

      hehehe.
      I wish that was the case.
      But I think they are too self centred for that to be the case.
      OR they thought I was old and sad looking.
      GASP

  9. francerants
    January 30, 2012 | 2:14 pm

    Ha! Loved the sour cream/quesadilla line, gave me such a visual (and perhaps reminded me of me?)

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:50 pm

      When I go out for dinner I want to eat.. and eat well!
      Not get the stink eye.
      It ruins my plan.
      My plan for stuffing myself.

  10. Jess
    January 30, 2012 | 2:36 pm

    I’ve given up even paying attention to the servers at the restaurants. I don’t care if they give me the stink eye or not, just bring me my food and quickly and make sure my drink tastes good.

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:49 pm

      YEAAAHHHH!

  11. Kimberly
    January 30, 2012 | 2:55 pm

    You had me at constipation.

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:49 pm

      I wouldn’t expect anything less.

  12. Life As Wife
    January 30, 2012 | 3:37 pm

    You tell her!

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:48 pm

      hehehe.
      She probably went and told her co-workers about the “old” lady who was laughing too loud.

  13. Tracy
    January 30, 2012 | 4:28 pm

    Ha! Oh, these pesky husbands always talking sense into us when we’re bringing out the claws. 🙂

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:47 pm

      I know!
      Aren’t they supposed to be supporting us, holding our hair back, and cheering us on.
      Wait.
      That’s when we barf.

  14. Teresa
    January 30, 2012 | 4:37 pm

    yes. yes. That is all.

  15. Kimberly
    January 30, 2012 | 5:04 pm

    Ha! Eat more fiber? Well played.

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:46 pm

      They probably just need to release some tension.
      in poo form.

  16. Leigh Ann
    January 30, 2012 | 6:25 pm

    Oh, teenagers. I remember giving some parents the stink eye. Now I give teenagers the stink eye. What goes around comes around, honey.

    • Lindsay
      January 31, 2012 | 1:54 pm

      here here!

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:46 pm

      I was always polite to adults. My father put the fear of God in me and told me to respect my elders.
      I wish kids were still like that.

  17. Sweaty
    January 30, 2012 | 11:21 pm

    You go, girl! That’s the spirit! Good to hear you’re spending time with Brian and your little girl out and about. What’s up with teens these days, huh? So much sour yoghurt around! 😉

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:44 pm

      Sour Yoghurt.
      Ew.

  18. Alison@Mama Wants This
    January 31, 2012 | 12:22 am

    Hah! You go girl!!

  19. Sarcasm Goddess
    January 31, 2012 | 12:29 am

    You go girl! Seeing how much sour cream you can put on a quesadilla sounds like a great night to me. In fact, any night involving sour cream sounds down right perfect.

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:43 pm

      I was tempted to ask for more but I feared I might get looks from the other patrons.
      It’s sad that my night out revolved around my dinner selection, the amount of condiment I got, and keeping my child’s crayons on our table.

  20. Jessica
    January 31, 2012 | 12:37 pm

    I love this! And, I have been there so many times with a waitress from high school with a huge attitude. Good for your husband for offering a more positive perspective.

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:40 pm

      He’s always there reminding me to take a cleansing breath!
      He just doesn’t like drama LOL

  21. Lindsay
    January 31, 2012 | 1:44 pm

    Love me some stink eye.
    I give it right back. :p

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:39 pm

      Oh I know you know how to do that!!

  22. Shell
    January 31, 2012 | 6:38 pm

    Oh, the ugly lights! I remember those. From a million years ago! LOL

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:38 pm

      I know! I used to try to dodge out before those came on… too bright for me at that hour!

  23. dumb mom
    January 31, 2012 | 9:45 pm

    I don’t know. I was hideously bound up as a teen and I smiled my face off. To hide the pain of it I guess. I’m going with teen angst. It sounds more paranormal romancy, which is what I live for!

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 1, 2012 | 7:37 pm

      BAH!!! you’re hilarious!
      So maybe it is constipation after all?

  24. Amber
    February 4, 2012 | 4:16 pm

    I like to say my children are good birth control for teenagers. 🙂 😉

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 5, 2012 | 10:35 am

      BWAHAHAHAHA.
      But then they get sad and all lonely and think that a baby will love them and it will be easy.
      WRONG.

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