Hard to Open

After pulling my crazy self into the doctor I have now been instructed to try a new cocktail of meds.

I’m a fan of meds.

But more the morphine, hallucinogenic, seeing unicorns and Jack Tripper kind.

Not the “you’re crazy” kind.

Also? The bottles are hard to open.

Some days I feel like I could barf up the ball of anxiety that sits in my throat.

Since depression and anxiety, two of the sneakiest bastards since PPD, have jumped out from my closet and wrapped their claws around my neck, I am back doing the medication mambo.

I have been referred for more intakes, psychiatrists, and doctors. Which in turn will mean more questions, prescriptions, and diagnosis.

I do not want to say out loud that there are days when I feel like I am going off the deep end.

Saying it out loud means it’s true.

Explaining it makes me look even crazier.

This makes me anxious.

And that makes me realize that maybe I do need to live in a pleasant state of prescribed happiness.

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30 Responses to Hard to Open
  1. Alison@Mama Wants This
    March 9, 2012 | 8:00 am

    Oh honey. Do what it takes to get better and get the happy back again. Thinking of you. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:40 pm

      You are an amazing support Alison! Thank you!

  2. Galit Breen
    March 9, 2012 | 8:42 am

    I’m proud of you for taking care of YOU.

    (You’re important.)

    xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:38 pm

      AWWW.. thank you so much Galit.
      You’re important too. xo

  3. Lindsay
    March 9, 2012 | 11:31 am

    I’m so with you. Heffalumps and Woozles are way more fun than Rorshacs and Ink Blots. Sending hugs and love. And pictures of pretty flowers that I still owe you. We’re in this together. I’m glad I know you.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:38 pm

      You are so cute!
      Love you long time.

  4. Kimberly
    March 9, 2012 | 12:33 pm

    Pills are underrated. Really.
    I’m glad that you’re being a responsible patient. Unlike me who goes on a hypomanic bender and figured “Feck it. I’m going to have some fun” and then now I’m getting kicked in the taco meat.
    Meh.
    And I agree. Those pill bottle lids are a bitch sometimes. What if I had arthritis…then I’d be really screwed.
    Being crazy sucks eh?

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:37 pm

      Next time you wanna go on a bender call me!
      I need new shoes.

  5. Nina
    March 9, 2012 | 1:14 pm

    Brave post, girl. My thoughts are with you!

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:37 pm

      Thanks Nina!!

  6. Melissa
    March 9, 2012 | 1:23 pm

    My friends and family yell at me when I say I’m crazy, or that I need to take my crazy pills, or go see my crazy Dr. They think its wrong or me just being “too hard on myself” But my wonderful husband to be who took the brunt of my crazy antics and rampages says “nope, your definitely crazy but I love you anyways” It helps! He’s on my side and “sorta” knows what I’m talking about when I say crazy!

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:36 pm

      My hubs gets it too.
      He understands I’m crazy.
      That’s why he’s perfect for me.

  7. katery
    March 9, 2012 | 2:17 pm

    i think we all have days where we feel like we’re going off the deep end. i;m glad you went to the doctor and i hope the new meds help.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:36 pm

      I’m hoping to have all of these med trials evened out soon too!

  8. Rach (DonutsMama)
    March 9, 2012 | 2:54 pm

    I hate admitting things out loud too, but when I do, somehow it makes it less scary. Do what you need to take care of yourself. We all have a unique battle with this stupid stuff. I’m so glad you are getting help though.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:33 pm

      I know you get it Rach.. I’m so glad that you’re here to support me.

  9. Kimberly
    March 9, 2012 | 5:08 pm

    I have trouble admitting things out loud too, but sometimes that’s just what we need to make it less scary. You deserve to be happy. Do what you need to to take care of yourself.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:32 pm

      It’s true Kimberly, saying it outloud sometimes does make it less scary… I’m working on it.

  10. Kir
    March 9, 2012 | 5:33 pm

    Oh my beautiful friend…thank you for writing and knowing that here it is safe and so are you.

    I know that as I shake my own pills into my hand that sometimes I feel disappointed in myself..but then I remember how important it is for me to be happy so my kids can be happy.

    You are an incredible person!!! And I love u xoxo

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:32 pm

      Thank you for always being there Kir.
      For your support and the love that shines out of you!
      xoxo

  11. jordan
    March 9, 2012 | 10:19 pm

    Just read your blog to my Aunt and I want to say I love you. My Aunt says upon reading your blog to my Aunt, she feels that you have a multitude of talents that should be put into a book. Because of the rare ways she captures the essence of each topic she speaks about. She is currently reading David Goods Mood Therapy book, and says your writting is better than any damn dr’s. You should pursue your talents in writting because you are so wonderfully descriptive and you capture the reader.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:31 pm

      Jordan, please thank your aunt for her sweet words!
      It means so much to me that you think so much of my writing and that you read it to your aunt.
      I am so flattered.
      I love you big time! xoxoxo

  12. Amber
    March 10, 2012 | 12:53 pm

    Well throw them in a blender, add a few shots of your favorite drink, add some ice, pour in a glass, add a straw with some fresh fruit and you’ve got yourself a nice little drink. 😉

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:29 pm

      I think you may have just came up with the perfect breakfast!

  13. Robin @ Farewell, Stranger
    March 11, 2012 | 3:02 pm

    Right there with you, as you know. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:24 pm

      I do know and I love you for your support! xo

  14. Carri
    March 11, 2012 | 9:33 pm

    I’m past that point. You (and Robin) will be past it someday, too. I figure people take pills for all types of aliments. I just take cray cray pills! 😉

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:24 pm

      I’ve been on meds for a VERY long time and I still struggle with it.
      I hope I get to the point where I’m okay with it some day

  15. Sweaty
    March 11, 2012 | 10:57 pm

    My dear friend, know that you’re not alone in this journey. I know just how frustrating, lonely, insane, and bleak things could look like from where you’re standing now. Struggling with depression and anxiety after PPD, and having to take meds for it, could really make you feel like you’ve failed. I’m here to make sure that you don’t believe all those crap your mind sometimes tell you! There are others out here, your friends, who understand how you feel and are going through the same thing. Keep on fighting the good fight. Continue with the treatment and don’t settle until you find a good therapist/doctor. Life is precious and it’s not meant to be lived under the dark clouds of depression and anxiety. Love you, my friend!

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 12, 2012 | 9:23 pm

      I have no words for how special your comment is to me.
      Thank you my sweet sweet friend.
      I love you.

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