No Need to Hide Here

Is everything okay? You aren’t as happy as you usually are?

Yes. I’m just feeling a little tired this week, thanks for asking.

Oh. Well, just remember, even though I know about your situation other’s here at the office don’t so to them it looks like you’re being snotty, or rude. Try to be happier okay?

——————————————————————

The dishes were pilled all over the counter when I walked through the door. I had been driving for over an hour and a half from work, to daycare, to home and was exhausted.

The last thing I wanted to do was clean up.

Brian hadn’t left me a note to tell me where he’d gone, no thank you for the dinner I had prepared prior to leaving for work, and no regard for how clean the kitchen was the night previous.

Frustration and defeat welled inside of me.

——————————————————————–

He smiled and picked up our daughter happy to be home after shopping for a new lawnmower part.

My irritation grew and I could feel my face morph into angry eye brows and slanted eyes as I bit down on my tongue.

Setting our daughter down he touched my arm, asking how my day was, setting off a slew of demands to clean up, finger pointing accusations about who does more, and shouts of comparison.

Knowing me better than anyone in the whole world he asked me what happened at work.

——————————————————————

After cleaning the kitchen in silence, mostly due to embarrassment over my actions, I met my family outside.

Their playful giggles met my downcast eyes with acceptance.

No need to hide who you are here.

They know that I have days where I struggle and they accept me for who I am. They aren’t the ones that I’m angry with and I shouldn’t take out my frustrations on them.

But even if I do once in awhile, because I can’t take express my self at work, they will open their arms and love me anyway.

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32 Responses to No Need to Hide Here
  1. Lady Estrogen
    May 14, 2012 | 6:36 am

    Wait. Someone said “snotty or rude” to you? Whoa. That’s awful!!

    Dishes are my nemeses. They overwhelm me and have even made me cry on some occasions.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 18, 2012 | 9:47 pm

      I cry sometimes when I come home and the counter tops are full of shit.
      I get to overwhelmed and so frustrated with the mess that I did not make but will have to clean that I just cry.
      It’s better than setting the kitchen ablaze.

  2. Ali
    May 14, 2012 | 6:38 am

    Hugs from me.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 18, 2012 | 9:45 pm

      yes please

  3. Jenn@Fox in the City
    May 14, 2012 | 7:14 am

    Argh, I am so frustrated on your behalf. Working with others can be hard enough without the pressure to “look happier” when things are dark.

    Hugs to you my dear! You can always email or text or phone me and vent away about work . . . I completely understand.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 18, 2012 | 9:44 pm

      I’m so glad that you get it… and I SO know that you do.
      You’re amazing and always there, that’s what I love about you.

  4. Julie
    May 14, 2012 | 7:56 am

    Sometimes I miss the pressure at work to “be on.” My family accepts me for who I am at home, sure, but I wonder if too much acceptance allows me to “not” try. I can go days without putting on real clothes, or doing my hair, and that triggers a slide sometimes.

    I’m sorry you’re exhausted. That’s a lot of driving, and a lot of time to be wearing “mental pantyhose” at work.

    Dude, and screw the dishes.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 18, 2012 | 9:41 pm

      I get what you mean. When I was on mat leave I couldn’t wait to get back to work so I would have a reason to get out of my pj’s.
      And smile at people.

  5. Nic
    May 14, 2012 | 9:26 am

    You see how messy my house gets at the end of the day! I hope seeing it a mess makes you feel better!!! I’ve always ignored cleaning up and dishes to spend time with my kids instead. The stupid dishes will wait!!!!
    You need to ignore those jerk faces at work! People should mind there business! It’s not Highschool and they shouldn’t be bullying or making you feel like you need to smile or kiss there ass. You are there to do a job and you do that FABULOUSLY cuz your amazing! So don’t worry about people think. You are awesome so just remember that!!! Xoxo

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 18, 2012 | 9:40 pm

      You’re awesome too! I know I should ignore them but it can be hard.
      thank you so much for always be there to listen xo

  6. Alison@Mama Wants This
    May 14, 2012 | 9:31 am

    Oh I just want to reach over and give you a big hug.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 18, 2012 | 9:39 pm

      and I then I will hug that little tiny baby and sweet big brother!
      You make adorable babies!

  7. Jessica
    May 14, 2012 | 10:13 am

    I”m sorry you have challenges at work but having a home to be yourself is a special gift. Those are some good people you got.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 18, 2012 | 9:38 pm

      They are good people.. I’m trying to learn to leave work at work… problem is I am there more hours a week then I am at home! Sickening really..

  8. Paulette
    May 14, 2012 | 11:01 am

    UGH! Those words “Look Happier” make me want to punch somebody for you. Thank God most families are a place where you can always feel loved and accepted no matter what.

  9. Nikky44
    May 14, 2012 | 11:10 am

    Thank you for this post.
    I have been told the same at work. In fact, they told me:if you suffer from severe depression, you either stay home and resign, or just come to work with a smile because no one is obliged to deal with your negative face.
    At home? Just now few minutes ago I was being humiliated, abused,no love nor understanding from anyone. I’m fed up.
    I’m sorry for writing that, but I’m in tears, and if I’m telling you that, its just to say that I understand, that I know, but it could be worse

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 16, 2012 | 9:15 pm

      I’m so so sorry that you feel like you aren’t being understood.
      Know that I understand you.
      Know that I am only an email, tweet, or comment away.
      I get what it feels like to pour feelings out and have people squash them. It’s horrible and makes you build a wall up.
      But it’s not reality.
      There is an army of us here to support you. We want to hear how you are feeling and if you are okay. We want you to get through this and we will help you.
      Most people humiliate, say mean things, and hurt those who are struggling because they are afraid. They don’t understand mental illness so they make fun of it, or they make the person suffering feel ashamed. It has nothing to do with the person affected it has to do with the person who doesn’t get it. They are confused and scared.
      Feel pity on them.
      They are sad, uneducated, ignorant people.
      Look at them with a sad face and shake your head.
      You are smarter than they are because you get it.
      I’m so proud of you for speaking out.
      and I’m here whenever you need me.

      • nikky44
        May 17, 2012 | 4:38 am

        Thank you so much for your support, love and understanding. That means a lot to me. I was feeling like i was going to explode bottling it up all inside. It’s true that in my Blog I am exposing the situation, and it helps a lot, but I also try to remain positive as much as I can. Life is so hard on me lately, really hard. Thank you very much. Your friendship is so appreciated. Love you <3

  10. Amber
    May 14, 2012 | 11:37 am

    I really wish I could send you a plane ticket and you could come here and see that I understand.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 16, 2012 | 9:10 pm

      I wish you could too!
      I love a good road trip

  11. Andrea
    May 14, 2012 | 12:12 pm

    That’s awful someone would say that. When people don’t understand what it’s like sometimes they can say some pretty rude comments.
    That is so wonderful that you have a safe place at home & you are accepted for who you are & loved no matter what!

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 16, 2012 | 9:09 pm

      My family is pretty awesome. I’m lucky.
      No matter what they keep on supporting me.

  12. Kimberly
    May 14, 2012 | 6:42 pm

    I work for a 43 pound dictator…he’s such a jerk sometimes.
    Home is where you should be able to be you no matter what state your in. Brian loves you no matter what. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 16, 2012 | 9:08 pm

      Your dictator is pretty awesome.
      He likes to draw with chalk and he digs in the dirt.
      He also smiles a lot.

  13. Rach (DonutsMama)
    May 14, 2012 | 8:28 pm

    Try to be happier??? Um…isn’t that we ALL want?? If I could flip a happy switch I would. And I know you would too. I’m sorry about that comment that person made.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 16, 2012 | 9:07 pm

      hahaha. I almost had to leave work.
      Oh to be normal for a day.

  14. Kimberly
    May 14, 2012 | 10:17 pm

    I’m sorry you had a rough time at work. You have a family that accepts you for who you are, and that is something special. Sending you hugs.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 16, 2012 | 9:06 pm

      I’m really lucky that I have my family. Work is pretty stressful right now so thankfully I can leave it at the door (or try to) and just try to have fun with them. I’m working on it.

  15. Leigh Ann
    May 15, 2012 | 12:08 am

    What a loving support system b is for you. Give him a good old fist bump for me. But you get a big hug. Dishes and working with others sucks ass.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 16, 2012 | 9:05 pm

      Dishes are poo and working when moral is low is even stinker poo

  16. Galit Breen
    May 21, 2012 | 11:40 pm

    Stunning vignettes of family.

    (I’m glad that your’s is soft, and open.)

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 25, 2012 | 10:16 pm

      I’m so lucky that they keep letting run to them.

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