A Wonderful Shift

There’s been a shift.

Instead of deep despair, confusion, and the fear of never returning to myself; I feel waves of warmth and love, comfort and confidence, and a connection to my daughter I didn’t think was possible.

Inside the darkness, I could see my girl in the distance. I could make out the outline of her face, the glow of her blonde hair, and the almost hear the delicious sound of her laugh.

But it wasn’t clear.

Now that the fog has lifted my world is bright.

And I can see her.

She is full of life and bubbling over with exuberance. She is creative and musical, stubborn and intelligent; she is hilarious.

I think back to the year that I was disconnected.

I grieve the time that I missed out being fully present in her life.

Because being her mom in the moment – every moment, is wonderful.

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39 Responses to A Wonderful Shift
  1. Alison@Mama Wants This
    June 4, 2012 | 2:10 am

    And now you’re in the light and that’s wonderful! Look ahead, always. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:47 pm

      This is my new goal… looking forward, not behind.

  2. Mark
    June 4, 2012 | 4:47 am

    Don’t worry about the past. You’re here now!
    m.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:47 pm

      Thank you Mark.
      I`m going to try to not look back anymore.
      Sigh, what a hard task.

  3. Lady Estrogen
    June 4, 2012 | 6:30 am

    So glad you’re turning a corner.
    Enjoy your happiness so very much šŸ˜‰

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:46 pm

      I`m spreading my happiness all over the place.
      ha-PENIS

  4. Galit Breen
    June 4, 2012 | 6:50 am

    I love where you are now.

    And the way that you got here? That’s a story worth telling, too.

    (So very happy for you, my friend.)

    xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:43 pm

      I`ve never thought about telling that story.
      that`s worth thinking about.
      Thank you sweet wonderful Galit.

  5. Jenn@Fox in the City
    June 4, 2012 | 7:55 am

    I am so happy that you have turned this corner! šŸ™‚

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:42 pm

      I`d like to thank my meds.
      They have been wonderful in my recovery.
      Yummy

  6. katery
    June 4, 2012 | 8:59 am

    i’m glad the fog has lifted, enjoy that little girl šŸ™‚

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:39 pm

      I`m soaking in every tiny second.

  7. Amber
    June 4, 2012 | 9:51 am

    We can’t change the past so stop looking back at it my dear. Look at the now where you see her bright and clear. Love every moment and cherish it.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:39 pm

      What a wonderful comment! You are so so smart! Thank you my friend.

  8. Iza Trapani
    June 4, 2012 | 9:51 am

    So happy for the shift. Enjoy each wonderful moment with your beautiful little girl!

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:38 pm

      Thank you Iza! I have to tell you that her favourite book remains “The Bear Went Over The Mountain“ We sing it every night!!

  9. Robin @ Farewell, Stranger
    June 4, 2012 | 11:12 am

    I know what it’s like to miss it, and it’s even better to find your way back. So glad. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:38 pm

      I know you get it. So glad that I have you to support me and to understand when I need someone to vent to.

  10. Andrea
    June 4, 2012 | 12:37 pm

    So happy for you! Enjoy!

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:37 pm

      Thank you! It`s a new feeling for me so I`m trying to just relax and enjoy.

  11. Teresa
    June 4, 2012 | 2:23 pm

    Hooray for living in the clear! Some days are blurry for me, but I am thankful it is only intermittent.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:34 pm

      I still have blurry days. But they are becoming fewer and fewer. That`s something I`m not used to.

  12. Jessica
    June 4, 2012 | 2:24 pm

    I’m so glad that you are back in the light and can really enjoy her.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:36 pm

      Me too! It`s overwhelming and wonderful.

  13. Jenny
    June 4, 2012 | 3:04 pm

    So glad that you are seeing the light and that fog has been lifted. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:33 pm

      Thank you Jenny. It`s been a long road.

  14. Nikky44
    June 4, 2012 | 3:32 pm

    I still can’t do what you are doing. I still can’t hold my three kids, nor have a conversation with them for more than 3 minutes šŸ™

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:33 pm

      You will get there. It`s a long long road. And, even though I have bright days now it doesn`t mean they`re all wonderful.

  15. Life As Wife
    June 4, 2012 | 7:07 pm

    I’m so glad the fog has lifted! Don’t worry – there are still many more years of mother daughter time ahead!!

  16. Megan (Best of Fates)
    June 5, 2012 | 10:27 am

    I’m so glad you’ve found your way – and what a beautiful way you’ve managed to write about it!

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:32 pm

      Thank you Megan! I`m happy that it`s beginning to work out.

  17. Suzanna Kellye
    June 5, 2012 | 6:31 pm

    I also know what it’s like. I don’t remember 90% of the first year of my younger daughter’s life. But coming out of it was to see a wonderful gift.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:31 pm

      This is why I love connecting on the internet and blogging. I love learning about other people and that there are people who have been through what I have.

  18. Kimberly
    June 5, 2012 | 6:56 pm

    Isn’t this side of the fence so much better?
    I just wished that someone would pick up the dog shit around here.
    Messes with my mo jo when I step in it. No one likes poopie shoes.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 12:29 pm

      I was thinking about that about the weeds and thistles.
      Annoying

  19. Jessica
    June 5, 2012 | 8:46 pm

    The place that you are at now and the words you used to describe that place make me smile. I’m happy to know you are doing well. šŸ™‚

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2012 | 10:16 am

      Thank you! It`s nice to be here and feel content.

  20. Kir
    June 13, 2012 | 5:46 am

    Those pictures, the joy in your words made my heart lift. I loved every line, so glad the fog has lifted. Xoxo

  21. Leigh Ann
    June 15, 2012 | 7:48 am

    This post makes me delightfully happy. Don’t sweat the lost times. Cherish the found ones.

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