Swimming

The sky is the brightest blue.

So blue I could jump right in, swallow a gulp full of air and sink under.

I would swim in the sky for hours.

Cleansing my black soul.

Dark thoughts, anger, and intrusive ideas make the beautiful, sunny day outside dreadful.

My relationship strains as I crack a sharp whip unleashing a string of words that leave welts and scars on the person I love. His once calm and patient demeanor turning cool towards me. Warning me he’s heard enough.

I long to feel the sun and not hate it’s heat.

To feel rested, under control, and listened to.

I am not present.

I watch the sky dance with the sun and beg for it’s light to return to my insides.

Setting my eyes on where the tree line meets the clouds I look for the perfect place to wade in.

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27 Responses to Swimming
  1. Mark
    June 18, 2012 | 5:02 am

    Although beautiful, this poem makes me think that you’re sad. Tell me I’m wrong, please.
    m.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:52 pm

      I’m having a hard time with my bipolar diagnosis and managing my moods. blah

  2. Kir
    June 18, 2012 | 6:00 am

    Your words are gorgeous my friend, capturing that place of rage, anger, the place you want to seek solace. I want that FOR YOU more than you know. If I could place it in your hands tied with ribbon I would.

    Love u, thinking of you and holding you in my heart. Xoxoxo

  3. Alison@Mama Wants This
    June 18, 2012 | 6:18 am

    Be strong my friend. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:50 pm

      Thank you girl. You are pretty awesome

  4. Robin @ Farewell, Stranger
    June 18, 2012 | 8:57 am

    Me too. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:48 pm

      I’m here

  5. Suzanna Kellye
    June 18, 2012 | 11:04 am

    I have felt your pain but lacked the words to write it down. I know now that putting it out there is one of the best things you can do. I wish I would have known when I was going through PPD. I hope things get better for you. Reach for the blue skies.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:47 pm

      Yes! Put it out there! A little at a time and you will find your voice

  6. Galit Breen
    June 18, 2012 | 2:00 pm

    Beautiful words.

    I’m sending you what I’ve got, sweet friend.

    xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:43 pm

      you’re always so sweet

  7. Kimberly
    June 19, 2012 | 8:22 am

    This is so beautiful. I understand this pain completely oxox

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:42 pm

      you are such a wonderful friend. Thank you for everything you do

  8. Julie
    June 19, 2012 | 9:09 am

    I don’t like that you are struggling, but it does wonders for the artistic part of our souls when we’re conflicted, doesn’t it?

    Beautiful writing.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:41 pm

      it really does get the juices flowing

  9. Jennifer
    June 19, 2012 | 10:17 am

    So beautiful and poetic. Sending you so much love and peace.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:40 pm

      Thank you. what a compliment coming from you

  10. Lady Estrogen
    June 19, 2012 | 10:18 am

    It’s beautifully heartbreaking. ;(
    Thinking of you.
    xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:39 pm

      I love that you got it

  11. Kimberly
    June 19, 2012 | 11:30 am

    Sending you strength and hugs, my friend. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:35 pm

      you are wonderful

  12. Tracy
    June 19, 2012 | 12:46 pm

    This hurts my heart. Giant virtual hugs coming your way.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:33 pm

      Thank you Tracy!! I love virtual hugs… no weird lingering.

  13. Iza Trapani
    June 19, 2012 | 7:00 pm

    You found such beautiful words to express your sadness. I hope the light returns to you. Reach for it. Hugs.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:31 pm

      Thank you sweet Iza! I think of you often.

  14. Natalie @MamaTrack
    June 19, 2012 | 9:05 pm

    Oh, Leighann, I’m so sorry. I felt that same way. Towards my son. It was awful, so awful. I’m here for you.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 20, 2012 | 7:26 pm

      Thank you! Bipolar feels like a horrible diagnosis right now but I’ll get there.

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