Reaching in to the chest of drawers I pulled out the suit and yanked the  fabric over my legs, grunting and stretching  it over my body.

Today the snug fit and revealing cut didn’t bother me.

Without looking in the mirror, or finding a wrap, I ran out the door to the top deck, letting the door slam on the way out.

Their eyes were wide with surprise and peaked with curiosity as I began my quick descent down the stairs.

“last one in is a rotten egg!”


Sitting under the hot sun, with very little relief but the breeze from the waves, I will myself to take my cover-up off.

To confidently sit and enjoy the beach.

And not wish that every single other body had been given to me instead of the one I have.


I don’t want to be like that!

Like what?

Always obsessing about my weight!

Then just accept yourself for who you are. Stop obsessing about what you look like.

I have. I do.  I don’t obsess!

You do.

… I do?

You do.

.. I do.  How do I stop?

Accept yourself for who you are.

No. I can’t.


The cool water danced around my face as I floated beside my family, their giggles and splashes becoming muffled as I sunk further into the refreshing depths

Closing my eyes and drifting made me feel weightless.

I let myself get lost in the feeling and sounds of happiness, drinking in the perfection.

Feeling confidently happy.





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17 Responses to Weightless
  1. katery
    August 27, 2012 | 9:17 am

    it may not be the right thing to say but… there are always people with bodies worse than mine. not only that, but some of them strut around the beach in bikinis while i wear a very modest swimsuit. i can’t decide if i am disgusted by them or jealous of their confidence and absolute disregard for anybody who might be looking at them and judging them.

    • multitaskingmumma
      August 27, 2012 | 7:59 pm

      That’s what Brian says to me too. He always tells me to look around at the woman who don’t care.

  2. Miss Marina Star
    August 27, 2012 | 9:43 am

    I totally related to this.

    I am insecure about my body and obsessed with the scale. I hate this about myself. I don’t care if I’m smaller than someone else, I constantly compare myself to how I looked pre-baby. I will never live up to that and the madness behind this insecurity makes me furious!

    • multitaskingmumma
      August 27, 2012 | 7:57 pm

      And we never know how someone looks under their clothes but we still compare ourselves to an idea of perfection that isn’t real

  3. Jenn@Fox in the City
    August 27, 2012 | 10:04 am

    I so relate. I am in a very negative space when it comes to my body but I cannot allow my daughter to see that and I will not allow them miss out fun because of my body issues . . . so I suck it up and pull on my suit (with some shorts over top because I am only a teeny bit brave) and jump on in.

    • multitaskingmumma
      August 27, 2012 | 7:55 pm

      That’s exactly how I feel, I don’t want my daughter to pick up on my body issues either.

  4. Leigh Ann
    August 27, 2012 | 8:39 pm

    You KNOW I relate to this. It’s so hard to let go of those insecurities. I still hang onto them when at the pool. And I don’t want the girls to pick up on it either. Being a mom to girls is hard.

  5. Julie
    August 27, 2012 | 8:50 pm

    I’m not my body, just as I am not the car I drive around in. (Although, honestly, the car is much more attractive.)

    • multitaskingmumma
      August 28, 2012 | 11:49 am

      OMG.. I love this! Did you make this up?
      Cause if you did you are the new OPRAH

  6. Kimberly
    August 28, 2012 | 9:28 am

    I struggle with these same insecurities. This time of year is always harder, and being postpartum doesn’t help either. I’m glad you let go in that moment and truly felt happy.

    • multitaskingmumma
      August 28, 2012 | 11:47 am

      I remember post partum… I didn’t want to go out because I couldn’t fit into anything. BUT I also thought I EARNED that body so I felt like screaming it out to the world!

  7. Cathy Adams
    August 28, 2012 | 6:17 pm

    Ladies, remember one thing. The people who love us and matter the most to us, don’t notice what we look like in a bathing suit. They love us for who we are, not what we wear. Does it really matter what a stranger thinks? All women, no matter whether you are 100 pounds or 300 pounds, have beautiful bodies, with hour glass figures. Some of us just have a few more minutes than others. 😉

    • multitaskingmumma
      August 29, 2012 | 8:35 am

      Thank you Cathy! Love that!

  8. Lady Estrogen
    August 29, 2012 | 9:51 pm

    Is that why I loved swimming so much? Le sigh.

    I also loved doing 50 or even 100 laps just so I could scream under the water and cry. It was therapeutic. Hummm… maybe I need to take that up again, huh.

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 9, 2012 | 8:42 am

      OMG I love screaming under the water! No one can hear and you can be as loud as you want!

  9. Kir
    August 30, 2012 | 9:19 am

    I think and KNOW you are a beautiful girl. We all do this, we all wish for something else, smaller boobs, bigger boobs..smaller ass, “some kind of ass” etc.

    but I know that you in your swimsuit, with that smile on…well that is a beautiful thing…put your face to the sun and know that my friend.

    • multitaskingmumma
      September 9, 2012 | 8:40 am

      I know that even the tiniest of girls are wishing for a different body. It’s a curse of our culture.
      You are wonderful and always encouraging! Thank you.

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