This Wasn’t Supposed to Happen

I didn’t want to put on the gown, I wanted to go home.

Putting on that ugly blue and white stripped gown meant that I would have to stay in the hospital and go through with a procedure that scared and saddened me.

It shouldn’t have happened to me.

The nurse placed a thick pad under me to prevent any leaks, making the transition into the gown even harder.

As I sat down my pride slid to the floor.

I hung my head and willed myself to stay strong but the tears stung and pooled in my eyes.

It wasn’t supposed to happen to me.

I could feel her empathetic eyes looking down on me as she drew my blood, the needle biting where it had just been drawn days earlier.

“I’m so sorry.”

I tried to smile at her sweet words but my mouth quivered, shaking at the thought of a life without a chance, the process my body was undergoing, and the pain in my heart.

It wasn’t supposed to happen to me.

But it did.

 

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Please take time to reach out or listen to those around you who have experienced the loss of a child in any form. Just sitting beside a friend can make all the difference.

There’s no loss like that of a child.

 

Thank  you to Jenn who’s post encouraged me to write about our loss.

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20 Responses to This Wasn’t Supposed to Happen
  1. Jenn@Fox in the City
    October 17, 2012 | 1:47 pm

    Oh hun, I am so sorry. It is simply devastating and nothing there is nothing I can write that will make it any less so. I love you and I am always here for you. Hugs.

    • multitaskingmumma
      October 19, 2012 | 9:52 pm

      Thank you for always being there.. night or day!
      You’re pretty special.

  2. katery
    October 17, 2012 | 2:25 pm

    i’m with you. there are no words, i’m so sorry.

    • multitaskingmumma
      October 19, 2012 | 9:51 pm

      You’re always here to support though, for that I’m grateful. xo

  3. Alison
    October 17, 2012 | 7:57 pm

    I’m so, so sorry. Hugs. xo

  4. Nic
    October 17, 2012 | 9:02 pm

    This just broke my heart 🙁 made me cry! i wish i could take your pain away! Thinking of you as always! I’m here for whatever you need! Love you! Xoxo

  5. Jordan
    October 18, 2012 | 4:55 am

    Leighann I’m always here for you!! I’m so sorry that you guys have had to experience this. Thinking of you and how strong you are. Love you. Xo

  6. Carrie Smith
    October 18, 2012 | 7:40 am

    My heart hurts to hear this it really does. Your strength in writing about this and everything else will hopefully touch a chord with others who have, are and will experience this heartache. Draw power to heal from the vast bank of friendships that surround you you are never alone. Thinking of you.

  7. Kir
    October 18, 2012 | 10:05 am

    I am sorry…from the bottom of my heart.

    but thank you, as you always do, for writing about things, bringing them out into the light and letting others know they are not alone.

    you’re amazing, you know that?? xoxo

    • multitaskingmumma
      October 19, 2012 | 9:48 pm

      Thank you for noticing that I try to bring to light the difficult things.
      I think that’s how I get through them.
      Thank you for always taking notice.

  8. Lady Estrogen
    October 18, 2012 | 1:46 pm

    I have no words, just support. Always.

    • multitaskingmumma
      October 19, 2012 | 9:47 pm

      Thats exactly what I love about you.

  9. Sarah De Visser
    October 18, 2012 | 8:59 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear this. Wish I could give you hugs — from one person who’s been there to another.

    • multitaskingmumma
      October 19, 2012 | 9:47 pm

      My heart aches for you.
      Because I know what it feels like now and it is so painful.
      Thank you for your sweet words. It’s comforting to know that other woman have been where I am and are okay.

      • Sarah De Visser
        October 20, 2012 | 5:46 pm

        I think the hardest part was talking to others about it — especially when they meant well but just didn’t understand. People say a lot of stupid things when they don’t know what to say.
        They say it’s something you “work through” but my experience has been more like “learning to live with it.” Will always miss that baby I never got to meet…

  10. Tracy (@nystoopmama)
    October 19, 2012 | 9:30 am

    Damn it. A thousand hugs to you, beautiful lady, from another who has been there more than once. xoo

    • multitaskingmumma
      October 19, 2012 | 9:45 pm

      It’s comforting when someone else has been there. I don’t wish it on anyone, but when another woman understands I feel less isolated. It’s a horrible pain that I didn’t know existed but I’m working through.
      My biggest hugs back to you. xoxo

  11. Lance
    October 23, 2012 | 7:32 am

    Peopl talk about superheroes and superpowers but the way you’ve gone through this experience and then had the strength to write about it is superheroic.

    I’m so sorry for your broken heart.

  12. Leigh Ann
    October 23, 2012 | 5:21 pm

    Oh, L I had no idea. I’m so sorry, but so glad you shared this. It seems so unfair sometimes.

  13. Julie
    October 23, 2012 | 6:42 pm

    I’m so sorry that you’ve joined this particular circle of women. It’s such a painful experience that leaves you feeling powerless. There are many of us out there who stand with you as you work through your grief.

    Thank you, though, for speaking out about it. When I had my miscarriages, I’d never heard how common they were. I felt defective. The more we talk about it, the more comfort I hope it brings to women who experience such a loss, that they know it’s nothing they did.

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