I’ve always felt guilty dropping my daughter off at daycare.
Her sweet little face looking up at me, still flush with sleep, begging and pleading with me to stay with her pulls my heart apart and leaves me huddled in the fetal position.
Okay she doesn’t do that.
As she’s running out of her coat and flinging her shoes off I beg her for a hug and a kiss, watch her bolt for the toys and scream, “I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE MY BEST GIRL!!! TELL MOMMY YOU LOVE HER! TELL HER THANK YOU FOR CARRYING YOU FOR NINE MONTHS AND GIVING YOU LIFE! TELL HER YOU’RE GRATEFUL FOR THE SACRIFIES SHE MAKES.”
And then I sob all the way to work.
Okay only some of that’s true.
This morning, on the way to daycare, my daughter asked me why I had to work.
“Can’t you just stay with me Mum?”
*cue mommy guilt with a side of stabbing pain in the chest.
“No sweetheart, Mumma has to go to work today.”
“Why her has to?”
Because in this economy one income isn’t enough anymore, and Mommy goes crazy with depression and anxiety when she tries to be a stay at home Mom.
“Because I have to make money so we can buy groceries and have heat and do fun things. I also like my job. You have a job too; your job is to go to daycare.”
“And you will buy toys?”
“Yes, we buy toys too, sometimes.”
“WOW! Thank you for going at work Mum.”
She’s only thanking me because she thinks I’m buying her toys, I don’t care, I’m taking it.
“You’re welcome babe.”
“I’m good and proud of you.”
Taking that one too.