I’ve finished my holidays.
I feel like one hundred puppies are crying inside my soul.
For two weeks we slept in, hung out in our pajamas, built towers, watched movies, put together puzzles, played in the snow, ate candy too early in the morning, and enjoyed each other.
It has taken a long time for me to really connect with my daughter and feel like a mom; to feel that overwhelming love that starts in your toes and bursts right from your heart, making it impossible to look away from the person you created.
I’ve waited to have confidence in my parenting and to know that I deserved to be a mom.
I’ve gone back to work missing her every minute.
I have a new love for my child and see a little girl emerging from the toddler she just was; a brilliant, well spoken girl who loves trains and Barney, can count to 40, and hates pickles; an independent child who is stubborn like her mother and caring like her father.
My new feelings of connect and appreciation might be a new layer of PPD disappearing, or a piece of bipolar breaking off; it could simply be confidence in my parenting building, but whatever the reason for the clarity I’m grateful, and am appreciating my gift like I never have before.