Sleep: The Difference between Men & Women

sleep the difference

Husband:

Feeds child a wholesome meal of macaroni and cheese, plays Little People and puzzles, and destroys house while playing pirates.

Exhausted from playing he falls asleep at 8:30 pm.

Sleep comes easily.

And he sleeps all night… soundly.

He wakes at 6:45am, to the sounds of his loving wife gently pressing her hand to his shoulder telling him she’s about to leave for work and it’s time for him to get up.

His response?

I’m SOOO TIRED! OMG! I JUST WANT TO SLEEEPPP!!!! I CAN’T GET UP YET!!

————-

Wife:

Comes home from getting groceries BY HERSELF! (Sweet rejoice, heavenly time to get things done without little hands pulling things off of shelves).

Approaches a house with every light and T.V. on and assumes husband has thrown a party in her honour.

But why on a weeknight, and where are all of the cars?

Once she’s unloaded groceries, by herself, and searched house for stealthy party hiders, T.V.s are turned off and she climbs into bed with social media and a snoring husband.

Sleep doesn’t come easily.

She’s up to pee.

The Toddler has lost her soother.

The Toddler needs a drink… just a quick one please mommy.

The cat wants to be petted.

There’s a noise…. is it in the house?

Why WASN’T there a party when I got home? He never throws me parties! I deserve a party. What kind of cake would I have? I don’t think I need any more cake. I think I need to start getting healthier, maybe I’ll work on a meal plan starting tomorrow; I need to write this down.

More snoring.

I swear that man is sick. No one snores that loud…he needs to see a doctor. I’m making him an appointment on Monday. Oh Lawdy, what if he’s really sick? I can’t bear to think that.

*Snuggles in close*

Whispers “I love you”

Husband snores huge and grinds teeth.

Farts.

He’s so gross. Honest to God! I can’t sleep with him being this gross, STOP SNORING! The Doctor is going to tell him that his diet is unhealthy and he needs to stop drinking so much pop. I’ve told him that he needs to start eating smarter but he doesn’t listen to my advice. Why doesn’t he listen to me?

“Why don’t you listen to me?”

Nudges husband.

Snore.

Up to pee.

Back to sleep in spare room.

4 hours of sweet slumber…

She wakes at 6:00 am to tiny hands twisting themselves through her hair and into her eyeballs, “Hi Mommy, I’m awake.”

momawake

Is your night anything like this?

 

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9 Responses to Sleep: The Difference between Men & Women
  1. Tara
    February 22, 2013 | 12:51 pm

    Exactly like this……

  2. Handflapper
    February 22, 2013 | 2:15 pm

    My nights are EXACTLY like that, except add dogs barking insanely at random hours and for no apparent reason.

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 25, 2013 | 7:01 pm

      this is why I don’t have a dog.

  3. Tracy
    February 22, 2013 | 7:39 pm

    To the snoring, stinky husband I’d like to add a fat dog that acts like a paperweight on the covers and a cat who loves scratching my face off when I dare to roll over and disturb her precious slumber.

    The other night my daughter shouted out with such force and in such agony I was sure something horrible had happened. I flew out of bed and sprinted into her room only for her to say, “I have an itch on my leg.”.

    A freaking ITCH ON HER LEG. I scratched it for 3 seconds and was up the rest of the night. Jerks. All of them. They’re lucky they’re all so cute. 😉

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 25, 2013 | 7:01 pm

      didn’t you have a spooky house?
      was that you?

  4. Andrea
    February 23, 2013 | 10:42 pm

    Haha, sounds about right!

    And what I don’t get is do they not hear when the kid wakes up or are they just pretending they don’t hear so WE have to get up…every single time!!

    Loved this post 🙂

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 25, 2013 | 6:57 pm

      Exactly!! They NEVER hear the children…. so frustrating.

  5. Leigh Ann
    February 24, 2013 | 10:05 am

    You are so hilarious. I can’t believe he didn’t throw you a party!

    YES. Except I do go to bed before him, but I’m still going to bed at midnight and he’s staying up way too late. And I’m usually asleep at the drop of a hat because I’m so tired. But if we go to bed together, I cannot sleep because he tosses and turns and then starts twitching when he falls asleep.

    And then I’m up with kids 1-3 times a night for blankie coverage, water, cuddles, you name it. We switched sides of the bed one night when I was severely sleep deprived, so he would be the first line of defense, and the next morning he was all, “Wow. I didn’t realize how many times you got up at night.”

    Validation!

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 25, 2013 | 6:56 pm

      He twitches???

      That’s hilarious!

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