Apparently She Likes Bat Shit Crazy

It’s been a rocky couple of weeks.

I’ve covered it with toddler stories, husband antics, and hours of Pinning.

Mentally I had no idea what was going on and, honestly, I don’t think my doctor did (does) either.

There was a trip to the ER, an incredibly sexy rash (not the herps, relax), and new meds that lead to a week in bed suffering from delusional thoughts .

I know… I‘m irresistible.

Suicidal ideation, rage, heightened sensitivity to light, sound, touch, and smell, and such an intense sense of sadness that I haven’t found the words to speak about it let alone write about it.

My psychiatrist apologized for my struggle, hospital visit, and my hanging by a thread mental state; she re-evaluated my meds and communicated that she believed the best thing for my situation was to wean completely off and begin with a clean slate.

She apparently likes to see bat shit crazy.

bitches be crazy

I had to become my own advocate and began looking up the causes for my rash, what other med alternatives I had, and how best to manage my emotions during the withdrawal process.

It’s great in theory.

Find a calm place to retreat too.

Make a plan of action.

Involve family and friends so you have a solid support system.

But when your body is coming off of mood stabilizers at a rapid rate, and you suffer from Bipolar, the above are almost impossible to do without the assistance of medication.

Because there are no calm places, your brain is your prison.

Plans of action require a clear thought process.

Friends and family are often the target.

Going back to what I was prior to being stabilized is frightening, more so now that I know what clear thinking feels like.

And I can feel myself slipping.

alice

Crazy highs, spotless kitchen, craft craziness, fast talking, super plans, rainbows, lights and glitter; all super awesome, but with those sparkly ups come quick and hard crashes into the depths of depression.

A horrid sadness that hurts.

I haven’t forgotten.

The problem is… I don’t know hot to make it stop.

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22 Responses to Apparently She Likes Bat Shit Crazy
  1. Mamaintheburbs
    February 24, 2013 | 10:21 pm

    I’m sorry about all this. I can relate somewhat. I’m not sure what med that caused youths rash was but my new med called lamictal has that as a side effect. I just started it and my dr said if I got a rash I would need to go to the ER.

    Sending you some hugs and prayers!!

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 25, 2013 | 6:55 pm

      It was Lamictal. I was on it for a long time and was happy on it. It’s been hard to have to come to terms with going off of it.

  2. Alison
    February 25, 2013 | 2:07 am

    Oh friend. I’m so sorry you’re going through this now. I hope you find a good balance of medication and therapy that will help. Lots of love to you. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 25, 2013 | 6:54 pm

      Oh Alison.. you are always a constant support. I wish you knew what that meant.

  3. Kimberly
    February 25, 2013 | 8:29 am

    Sending you lots of love and hugs. You will make it through. xoxo

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 25, 2013 | 6:54 pm

      Thank you Kimberly. It means so much that I have all of this support.

  4. Trish
    February 25, 2013 | 8:32 am

    I won’t profess to know what it feels like to go through what u r going through. But if u need anything, if i can do anything to get u through it…pls let me help. I am pretty good at laundry and i am great babysitter!lol health and happiness to u sweetie…u deserve it.

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 25, 2013 | 6:53 pm

      Love you trish! Thank you for your words and your support. xoxoxoxox

  5. Leigh Ann
    February 25, 2013 | 8:53 am

    I’m so sorry you’re struggling. Sending you lots of love and hugs and hopes that this next phase is better.

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 25, 2013 | 6:53 pm

      Love you big time sister.

  6. Teresa
    February 25, 2013 | 12:20 pm

    Even though we haven’t meet IRL, you do have lots of friends who care about you, who think about you, and who love you. Fight this demon, you can do it.

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 25, 2013 | 6:53 pm

      Thank you Teresa, that means so very very much.

  7. Sarah @ The Fence
    February 25, 2013 | 1:12 pm

    The fact that you’re TRYING counts. It counts so much!!!!! I’m so sorry that it’s hard. I hate that. But the fact that you love your family enough to do the hard things… speaks volumes about you. It says that even in the midst of The Hard Stuff, you LOVE them enough to keep moving forward. It might not be as fast a movement as you wish it was… or as fast as I’d wish it for you!… but progress is progress.
    Peace to your LOVING heart and mind as you get through this season. xoxo

    • multitaskingmumma
      February 25, 2013 | 6:52 pm

      that is so true Sarah… it isn’t as fast as I want it but I’m trying. Thank you.

  8. Ali
    February 25, 2013 | 7:16 pm

    So sorry to hear you’re struggling. Thinking of you! Xoxoxo

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 4, 2013 | 10:28 am

      Love your face Ali! xoxooxox

  9. Rach (DonutsMama)
    February 25, 2013 | 9:00 pm

    I hate that you’re feeling this way. HATE.IT. I’m so sorry, friend. You deserve happiness and joy. You always have a friend here, whenever you need it.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 4, 2013 | 10:26 am

      Thank you Rach! I love that you get it and you understand. thank you xo

  10. Jackie
    February 25, 2013 | 9:04 pm

    Oh my… I am sorry that you’re going through this. I don’t know what to say to help you or make things just a little better for you.

    All I can say is that I, like so many others, are here for you.

    :::hugs:::

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 4, 2013 | 10:25 am

      Thank you so much Jackie.
      I think the hardest parts are over now and I’ve just been left with brochitis. HA.. that’s the easy part lol

  11. Kimberly
    February 26, 2013 | 1:19 pm

    I’d come up there and hug the rash off of you but it really hasn’t been identified yet. I don’t want the scabies.
    Love you.

    • multitaskingmumma
      March 4, 2013 | 10:23 am

      Pot meet Kettle

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