Mania for Me

When I was diagnosed with Bipolar II I researched endlessly in order to prepare myself. I wanted to be armed with as much information as I could, and be ready for what might happen next; understand triggers, and educate my family.

I read articles and related to posts on the lows that bipolar throws its sufferers into, the deceptive thoughts it creates, and the guilt those plagued with the disease feel when depression takes hold.

I found pieces on Mania; a wonderful ride, filled with bright lights, creativity, happiness, and energy, swarming the bipolar information boards.

But I couldn’t relate to those.

Where was my energy, happiness, and wild ride?

It wasn’t until a recent visit with my psych that I discovered my Mania presents itself in a much more negative form, one I had been tormenting my family with for months:

Irritability, anger, and aggression, which begins with a leg bounce that won’t stop, a headache for days, and my body refusing to sleep.

OCD that takes off from a dormant state and attacks anyone who doesn’t comply with my standards of clean or organization.

Insults and mean words that come out quick and can’t be forgotten.

Concentration is limited and creativity is fierce; the desire to invent, pursue, and take on every project is overwhelming but impossible to stop.

Why stop when there’s so many great ideas flooding your brain?

My eyes burn and irrational anger boils in my throat.

There is no happy.

Mania for me isn’t a pleasant trip through unicorn glitter and Super Mario big land, it’s a constant migraine mixed with the feeling of my skin not fitting right; horrific anger and irritability; lack of reasoning; no understanding; OCD.

Mania can present in many different forms for many different people.

That’s why it’s so important to gather all of the information and understand your diagnosis, triggers, and body. Keep track of your moods and have your spouse or a family member on board to do the same.

Luckily mine does

And stopped what could have been a dangerous decline.

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9 Responses to Mania for Me
  1. Robin | Farewell, Stranger
    April 3, 2013 | 10:27 pm

    That sounds awful, Leighann. (Not that any kind of mania is truly good, I suppose.) I’m glad you figured it out and good for you for sharing your experience.

  2. Susan
    April 3, 2013 | 10:34 pm

    I’m so glad you’re sharing this – I’m sure other BP II wonder when they’re going to feel the “happy mania” and hopefully this will reach someone who needs it.

  3. Leigh Ann
    April 3, 2013 | 11:04 pm

    {Big hugs} I’m so glad you’re telling your story. You’re amazing.

    • multitaskingmumma
      April 4, 2013 | 8:52 pm

      I’m sooo glad that through my telling my story I’ve met you!! So SO grateful! xo

  4. Alison
    April 4, 2013 | 2:35 am

    I’m sorry that this is what you have to deal with šŸ™
    Thank you for sharing your story.
    Love you. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      April 4, 2013 | 5:55 pm

      Thank you Alison.. xoxooxoxox

  5. Adrienne
    April 4, 2013 | 4:29 pm

    Such an honest post. I’m sorry that you have this struggle, but so gla that you can recognize the triggers.

    • multitaskingmumma
      April 4, 2013 | 5:51 pm

      Thank you so much Adrienne. It’s taken a long time to recognize the triggers but I’m reaching a really great place.

  6. Kimberly
    April 5, 2013 | 9:39 am

    I think that when most people think of mania they think of fun fun fun.
    I’m glad that your doctor pointed it out to you. Smart dude.
    Triggers are a bitch to figure out. Sleep is one of them.
    And visions of big balls

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