181 Days

6 months ago I laid in a hospital bed while a dr. told me I’d lost the baby I’d been so happy to be growing.

All I could think was I’d lost it because I was such a terrible mother for the first two years of my daughter’s life and I didn’t deserve another shot.

I was being punished.

I know that’s not true.

But when you lose a piece of you; a piece of your heart, that won’t come back, that’s what it feels like.

And now it’s been 6 months.

181 days.

6 whole months of feeling that loss every day.

It gets better with time.

No it doesn’t.

It gets different.

It always hurts.

And if you’ve experienced this loss?

You never forget.

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12 Responses to 181 Days
  1. Andrea
    April 19, 2013 | 1:27 pm

    omg, my friend! I’m so very sorry. I didn’t know – and I send you love and strength as you continue to process your loss. ((hugs)) And I hope that by now you know for certain that this was not your fault. Not by any means. Sending love.

    • multitaskingmumma
      April 23, 2013 | 4:27 pm

      thank you sweet Andrea. Your words mean so so so much.

  2. Mamaintheburbs
    April 19, 2013 | 11:05 pm

    Sending you hugs! I went through IVF and had three miscarriages. Still to this day I have never forgotten!

    • multitaskingmumma
      April 23, 2013 | 4:25 pm

      its not easy at all.. I’m so sorry for your loses

  3. Greta
    April 19, 2013 | 11:05 pm

    Oh, Leighann, I’m so, so, so sorry. I haven’t experienced that loss, but I know that it must be so incredibly hard. You deserve to be a mother of two (or more) as much as anyone else, and a helluva lot more than some people. It’ll happen for you, I’m sure of it. Sending big squishy hugs.

    • multitaskingmumma
      April 23, 2013 | 4:16 pm

      thank you Greta.. your support means so very much

  4. Alison
    April 20, 2013 | 2:06 am

    Hugs, my friend. xoxo

    • multitaskingmumma
      April 23, 2013 | 4:16 pm

      thank you for the millionth time for your support xo

  5. Kimberly
    April 22, 2013 | 6:43 am

    No words of mine will ever make that hurt any better.
    Just know that I love you.

    • multitaskingmumma
      April 23, 2013 | 4:14 pm

      xoxoxoxo thank you noodle pie

  6. Trish L
    May 2, 2013 | 6:52 pm

    Aww hunny..ur right it never leaves you. You will always wonder who that was growing inside of you. Be careful of insensitive people and only tell listeners who will be supportive. I will never forget after having my baby boy and 6 months later i miscarried and my MIL said….”u must be getting used to it by now what is this #3?”. Ummm no. U never ever get used to it nor do u stop getting excited about the next pregnancy. It is going to happen for you…and when it does i will cheer you on my dear!! Just keep trying with that awesome hubby of urs!!!

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 6, 2013 | 9:48 am

      I wish you knew how very special you are and how important to me.

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