Skipping Through the Exit

The room was a dismal brown with 9 chairs lining the perimeter, and filling them were people like me, people needing help to fix their jumbled, confused, foggy minds.

Minds filled with thoughts that got switched about, and skewed… a lot.

I remembered the first time I had come to the building and walked through the hollow halls, scared for my life and begging for help.

This place suggested there might be hope.

But the building itself didn’t suggest calm.

I looked around the room and felt the anxiety, and awkward silence; a breaking ground for uncomfortable habits that bubbled to the surface. Nail biting, leg bouncing, humming, loud breathing, toe tapping, and picking – all coping mechanisms to get through the uncomfortable situation that none of us wanted to be in.

My leg shook while I waited for my psych to call me in; my stomach in knots, and my mind racing with thoughts I was attempting to push to the back of my head.

“She’s going to tell you that you need an increase because you’re not doing as well as you think you are.”

“You aren’t as stable as you present.”

The sounds of a woman tearing up a magazine across from me snapped me from my thoughts.

“My anxiety isn’t that bad” I thought, grateful to not be tearing the shit out of hospital property.

I felt better, looked better, and before I had walked through the doors had believed that I was better, but my fear and my surroundings were wrapping me in negative self talk and I counted the minutes until my Dr arrived.

My appointment soon started.

From within her small spaced, stacked to the top with papers and folders, notes and books I heard things like, “you’re looking refreshed,” and “we seem to be on the right track.”

Things I hadn’t heard before.

I questioned her; unable to believe what I was hearing. I wasn’t where I should be was I? I was still struggling wasn’t I?

“How many times in the past two months have you called me because you were in crisis?” She asked.

None. I hadn’t called her at all.

I hadn’t felt like I needed to. I felt in control, aware, and happy.

I was in a place that I had struggled to get to for so long and I was being validated.

“I think we can say that we have found the right spot for you, Leighann.”

My heart skipped.

I had butterflies and nearly tripped over the chair as I jumped to leave the room.

And facing the dismal hall I walked past the gloomy brown waiting room and straight past the receptionist, lighting it all up with my smile as I headed for the exit.

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9 Responses to Skipping Through the Exit
  1. AJR
    November 11, 2013 | 2:33 pm

    That is beyond awesome!! (:

    • multitaskingmumma
      November 18, 2013 | 11:48 am


  2. Farrah
    November 12, 2013 | 4:50 am


    • multitaskingmumma
      November 18, 2013 | 11:48 am

      Thanks girl!

  3. Carrie Baughcum
    November 12, 2013 | 6:18 am

    YYYEEEAAAAhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Oh YES!!!! You really had me going there. That waiting room scared me. All I could think of when it started is is she taking us back way back to a memory. This isn’t her now. This isn’t the place she’s in. Maybe this is an old old memory that needed sharing. Then you surprised us but you knew what you were doing. I so happy for you!!! It really has been a journey for you. It has been one you’ve worked at. Yeah for lighting up rooms!!!! So happy and proud of you. You are an amazing woman!

    • multitaskingmumma
      November 18, 2013 | 11:48 am

      I have a lot of memories! But this one ended on a good note! I’m happy to be where I am right now.

  4. sarah reinhart
    November 17, 2013 | 6:59 am

    yay for you girl. xx.

    • multitaskingmumma
      November 18, 2013 | 11:47 am

      Thank you so much! I’m feeling so much better.

  5. Kimberly
    November 27, 2013 | 2:05 pm

    Whoot and a toot.
    I am so proud of you. We have to remind ourselves that when our anxiety starts to get the best of us, that it’s just a moment that passes…and we carry on.
    You’re on your way my baby chick xoxo

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