I thought I was ready.
When I looked at your grown up almost four year old face staring at me begging me to take my turn on the boardgame.
I thought I was ready to send you out into the world, with your backpack full and lunch packed the night before, this September you’d be off to school.
But then you tilted your head and popped your thumb in your mouth and I saw my baby girl shine through the big girl-ness that has been taking over.
The sweet girl I couldn’t believe would turn one some day.
Would crawl, would walk, would talk.
My tiny baby who I thought would never hold a spoon right, stop wearing diapers, or sleeping in my bed.
I saw the little hand I held through difficult feedings, and heard the giggles from tickles and teddy bear stories.
I held my breath and held onto this moment because you’re growing so fast and I’m not ready to let you go.
I want you to find your independence, reach out and become great, grow into an amazing woman… just not quite yet.
For now I want you to keep thinking I’m the smartest person in the world. The only person who can calm you, who can reach your juice, h0ld an incredible dance party, and draw the best butterfly.
I can’t keep you a baby forever and you’re excited to grow and learn. I’m trying to take a backseat and let you.
The time will come when you will leave on the bus and go to your first day of school.
I’ll be so proud of you.
And until that day I’ll soak in your last bit of baby-ness
And hold it in my heart forever.