Each night I slide softly into my side of the bed, snuggle down deep into the covers, pull them up to my chin, stick one leg out and drift off to sleep.
Who are we kidding.
I wish that’s how I went to sleep.
But I’m bipolar so sleep is like the unicorn everyone talks about but never really sees. You might have seen it once when you blinked, but did you?
And then just as I’m about to drift off, dreaming of said unicorn, my hair flowing down my back as we ride off, sidesaddle, a little person finds their way into my dream.
I’m frightened awake by the scream thinking she’s cut her leg off, she’s fallen out of bed, she’s hit her mouth on something and is bleeding!
“I want to play with your hair. I want you to sleep beside me.”
I was so close.
There’s scooching over, and laying on feet. There’s adjusting pillows and moving bodies. There’s “Mumma please don’t snore” and “I don’t snore thankyouverymuch.”
But then she sleeps and I return to my bed.
And the fairytale dream.
But the long mane and rainbow is being pulled away from me, there is a river, there is crying.
She’s in my bed now and has peed on me.
Why c0me into my room and pee in my bed?
The unicorn is gone, the sheets are wet, and the child is crying.
There will be no sleep tonight.
So while everyone else gets tucked in and comfy I will turn on my phone, write nonsense and pray that my next dream involves Brad Pitt.