Falling off of the Mental Illness Wagon

Last week the world got a little brighter, things were a lot crisper, and my energy was incredible.

I was the funniest person you had ever met.

My creativity was flowing, I had endless things to talk about, and was feeling social.

I had also missed four days of one particular med and didn’t tell a soul.

I was riding the high and didn’t want to come down.

I hadn’t felt mania in a very long time so maybe this wasn’t it, maybe I didn’t need this med anymore and this is what normal felt like.

Maybe normal was extereme purchases, dying my hair, a racing brain, inability to fall asleep, and the urge to clean every inch of my house.

Normal might be the confusion of too many thoughts at once, bright colours, noises that get too loud, and over stimulation.


That’s not normal.

And I had a very good friend remind me of that when I confessed to her that I had stopped a med and was feeling a little too fantastic.

But I wanted so badly to just ride it out.

I missed the high energy feelings, the desire to engage with everyone I met, the all around love of everything.

But what goes up must come down.

And I didn’t want the down.

The suicidal ideation, the depression, the lonely, lost, deep sadness.

My friend reminded me I had come too far.

And I had.

So I went back on my meds.

It’s that easy to get off track.

So easy for our brains to convince us that we’re okay and we don’t need something that we desperately do.

It tricks us into thinking we’re fine now that we’ve been on the med for a long time, or that a temporary break won’t hurt us.

It will.

Mental illness isn’t something that just magically disappears.

It takes hard work, check in’s, and a solid support system.

Routine, reminders, and people you can count on to tell you the truth.

It takes a fighter.

So keep fighting.

Talk about how you’re feeling, even when you think it’s pretty freakin’ awesome.

It might be a sign that something’s off.

Open up to friends and family.

Write it out.

And never… ever.. stop the fight.



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11 Responses to Falling off of the Mental Illness Wagon
  1. cyndy
    April 30, 2014 | 10:35 am

    Thank you for posting this.
    Be careful….take care of you.
    Someone I dearly love recently went off their meds for a couple of months. It was disastrous and could’ve been even worse.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 2, 2014 | 12:46 pm

      Thank you. I am glad I have the support system that I do. I’m pretty lucky.

  2. Shell
    April 30, 2014 | 2:31 pm

    I’m glad you went back on them. You don’t need to experience those lows. xo

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 2, 2014 | 12:45 pm

      You’re so right. I’m glad it was pointed out to me and I got back on track

  3. Nikky44
    April 30, 2014 | 4:55 pm

    “The suicidal ideation, the depression, the lonely, lost, deep sadness.” I feel drained. I wish those stop for just one day. I can’t stop the fight although I would love to.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 2, 2014 | 12:44 pm

      I’m thinking about you and I’m here if you need someone to talk to

      • Nikky44
        May 2, 2014 | 9:39 pm

        Thank you so much <3

  4. Southern Angel
    April 30, 2014 | 7:23 pm

    My son has bipolar and has been unmedicated for the last 3 years thanks to a gf *now ex but not before getting pregnant on purpose to try to trap him into staying* who liked him better when he was cycling. She hid his meds from him then when he would plummet she would push all of his buttons to try and make him hit her. He never did thank God but oh if he had of. We are still dealing with her craziness and psycho behavior with visitation with the baby who she uses as a pawn. he is getting back into therapy and on his meds to have a foot hold when we go to court to get custody of the baby. It is a scary place to be and it took him a while to realize his child deserved him to be the best he could be and that took the meds… hang in there hun… good for you for telling someone and realizing that it wasn’t as good as you thought there is always a down..

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 2, 2014 | 12:44 pm

      Thank you for sharing this with me. Bipolar is a hard disease and it can play tricks on us. I hope that your son is doing much better and he’s lucky to have you as a support.

  5. Charity
    May 1, 2014 | 9:51 am

    Thanks to the stomach virus from hell, everything got messed up here too. I didn’t get mania. I got the desperate depression that leaves me begging for an out. I am now going up and down. The last two days were rough again, today is better…such a mess this mental health train.

    Thanks for taking your meds. Thank you for sharing.

    Bipolar is a mean mistress.

    • multitaskingmumma
      May 2, 2014 | 12:42 pm

      You’re so right, bipolar is mean and deceptive. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I hope that you are feeling better very soon.

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