It had taken a long time to come to the decision that we had but Brian and I were finally comfortable and ready to move onto that next step.
I sat with the phone to my ear listening to it ring into the gynecologists office, my heard pounding harder with every ring,
I was actually doing it.
After all of the time spent calculating, charting, talking, medicating, going to appointments, and discussing with others in the same situation as me,I was ending it.
When the receptionist picked up the phone I announced who I was and that I had to cancel my next appointment.
“Why will you be cancelling?”
My heart lept into my throat.
I had said the words before but never to a doctor and certainly not to the fertility doctor’s office.
But I was sure.
“We’ve decided not to have anymore children.”
It felt right.
I had gotten to a place where I was comfortable with our decision, knew that it was what was right for our family, and could feel the tension rising from my shoulders with every passing day.
She’s a busy bee with feirce determination, compassion, and empathy who keeps us on our toes, makes us laugh hysterically, and brightens our lives.
We are blessed.
And that’s all we could ever ask for.
I’m grateful for all of the support I received through this very VERY difficult time, the people in my life who encouraged me, and the things I learned that I could never have without this challenge.
It’s been worth it.
I will continue to advocate for infertility awareness and be an ear for those struggling because I get it.
I so get it.
And I will focus my attention on my one and only…
Closing the door does not mean heart break for me. It means release from something that was holding me back emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
It’s time to breathe.