The Face of PPD

There was a quiet in the room, one that deafened me each time I rocked her. I would shake my leg out of anxiety, rock back and forth, and pray for sleep to come so that I could place her down and walk away.

Motherhood did not come easily.

She was safe in her crib, away from me and my thoughts. Away from the horrid job I was doing as a new mother who’s only thoughts were escaping the new role she was given as a gift, something I should have been enjoying with everything in me.

But there was only darkness.

Fear crept over me with every new milestone and I begged for her to stay small so that I could start over, love her more, try harder. I prayed for her to stop rolling, crawling, walking, talking. There would be time for that…

When I was a good mom.

When I learned to play, smile, laugh, giggle, and throw her high in the sky with abandon.

But time marched on and my battle got harder.

The darkness got thicker and my heart grew heavier, I cried louder and longer, shrunk inwards away from my little family, and went through the motions.

I showered when I had to, not because I wanted to, I contemplated ending my life, I wrote letters to my family and to myself about how horrible a mother I was.

I didn’t deserve happiness.

I was sure.

Until I discovered I was the face of Postpartum Depression.

There were answers to what I was going through and other women had experienced exactly the same things I was.

There was hope.

There would be light.

One day.

So putting one foot in front of the other I began to fight. I fought for my family. I fought for my daughter.

I fought for myself.

Now, four years later, I WAS the face of Postpartum Depression.

Now I’m the face of healing.

Of a warrior.

Of a mother.

 

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14 Responses to The Face of PPD
  1. Stef
    June 4, 2014 | 9:38 am

    You are a great mother. These are the times SHE will remember, not what you felt when she was newborn. Leave it behind you and keep moving forward with happiness and love. That’s how she sees you and that’s today’s reality!

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2014 | 12:24 pm

      Thank you, Stef. You’re right, I hadn’t thought of it like that.

  2. Jen
    June 4, 2014 | 6:50 pm

    You are an amazing warrior and an amazing mom!

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2014 | 12:23 pm

      Thank you, Jen. I am trying my best.

  3. Shell
    June 4, 2014 | 9:13 pm

    YES! I love how you ended this- you are the face of healing! 🙂

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2014 | 12:23 pm

      thank you Shell!!! the support I received through this is amazing.

  4. Jennifer Hall
    June 4, 2014 | 9:43 pm

    This made me want to stand up and cheer for you! Good job!!

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2014 | 12:22 pm

      Love this comment! I also love a good cheer

  5. Farrah
    June 5, 2014 | 3:18 am

    What a great mom you are! Your daughter is so lucky to have you 🙂

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2014 | 12:22 pm

      Thank you, Farrah! You’re so sweet

  6. Roxanne
    June 6, 2014 | 4:31 pm

    You are a warrior. And an amazing one.

  7. Andrea B (@goodgirlgonered)
    June 12, 2014 | 10:19 am

    I love this so so much. You ARE a Warrior. You are so powerful and strong. Thank you, for always telling your story and opening up raw so others know they’re not alone and they can get through this, too.

    (hugs)

  8. Kimberly
    June 13, 2014 | 11:50 am

    Always was and always will be. Look at how far you’ve come and how you’ve turned this nightmare into someone’s inspiration.
    xoxo

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 16, 2014 | 9:38 am

      I can’t believe where I once was… it has a lot to do with you and your support. xo

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The Face of PPD

There was a quiet in the room, one that deafened me each time I rocked her. I would shake my leg out of anxiety, rock back and forth, and pray for sleep to come so that I could place her down and walk away.

Motherhood did not come easily.

She was safe in her crib, away from me and my thoughts. Away from the horrid job I was doing as a new mother who’s only thoughts were escaping the new role she was given as a gift, something I should have been enjoying with everything in me.

But there was only darkness.

Fear crept over me with every new milestone and I begged for her to stay small so that I could start over, love her more, try harder. I prayed for her to stop rolling, crawling, walking, talking. There would be time for that…

When I was a good mom.

When I learned to play, smile, laugh, giggle, and throw her high in the sky with abandon.

But time marched on and my battle got harder.

The darkness got thicker and my heart grew heavier, I cried louder and longer, shrunk inwards away from my little family, and went through the motions.

I showered when I had to, not because I wanted to, I contemplated ending my life, I wrote letters to my family and to myself about how horrible a mother I was.

I didn’t deserve happiness.

I was sure.

Until I discovered I was the face of Postpartum Depression.

There were answers to what I was going through and other women had experienced exactly the same things I was.

There was hope.

There would be light.

One day.

So putting one foot in front of the other I began to fight. I fought for my family. I fought for my daughter.

I fought for myself.

Now, four years later, I WAS the face of Postpartum Depression.

Now I’m the face of healing.

Of a warrior.

Of a mother.

 

Thank you for SharingTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on FacebookEmail this to someonePin on PinterestShare on Tumblr

Related Posts:

14 Responses to The Face of PPD
  1. Stef
    June 4, 2014 | 9:38 am

    You are a great mother. These are the times SHE will remember, not what you felt when she was newborn. Leave it behind you and keep moving forward with happiness and love. That’s how she sees you and that’s today’s reality!

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2014 | 12:24 pm

      Thank you, Stef. You’re right, I hadn’t thought of it like that.

  2. Jen
    June 4, 2014 | 6:50 pm

    You are an amazing warrior and an amazing mom!

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2014 | 12:23 pm

      Thank you, Jen. I am trying my best.

  3. Shell
    June 4, 2014 | 9:13 pm

    YES! I love how you ended this- you are the face of healing! 🙂

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2014 | 12:23 pm

      thank you Shell!!! the support I received through this is amazing.

  4. Jennifer Hall
    June 4, 2014 | 9:43 pm

    This made me want to stand up and cheer for you! Good job!!

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2014 | 12:22 pm

      Love this comment! I also love a good cheer

  5. Farrah
    June 5, 2014 | 3:18 am

    What a great mom you are! Your daughter is so lucky to have you 🙂

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 6, 2014 | 12:22 pm

      Thank you, Farrah! You’re so sweet

  6. Roxanne
    June 6, 2014 | 4:31 pm

    You are a warrior. And an amazing one.

  7. Andrea B (@goodgirlgonered)
    June 12, 2014 | 10:19 am

    I love this so so much. You ARE a Warrior. You are so powerful and strong. Thank you, for always telling your story and opening up raw so others know they’re not alone and they can get through this, too.

    (hugs)

  8. Kimberly
    June 13, 2014 | 11:50 am

    Always was and always will be. Look at how far you’ve come and how you’ve turned this nightmare into someone’s inspiration.
    xoxo

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 16, 2014 | 9:38 am

      I can’t believe where I once was… it has a lot to do with you and your support. xo

Leave a Reply

Wanting to leave an <em>phasis on your comment?

Trackback URL http://www.multitaskingmumma.com/2014/06/04/face-of-ppd/trackback/