My plans are made.
Waiting and ready to go out, I’m set. I have the clothes on I want to wear, I’ve prepped my friend and told her what time I would be meeting her, and I’m excited.
A text from my husband.
“I’m going to be late”
This is when my anxiety is at its highest point. When my plans don’t go the way they were supposed to. I lose focus, freak my freak, and start targeting the person who I think messed up my night/day/hour/minute.
There are text messages sent, words said, and things I don’t mean but can never take back.
Because I lose control of what I’m saying.
I’m over the top anxious, not aware of my emotions, and exploding.
I want the control back, I want the night to be going the way I planned, and I want the other person to be complying.
But that isn’t the way life works.
We can’t always get what we want and we can’t force our plans to go the way they should all of the time.
I can’t always get what I want.
I have to compromise, understand that other people have obligations, and work around said obligations with patience.
Something I need to work on.
With a lot of deep breaths, understanding, talking it through, and conversations I’m trying.
There will be moments when I’ll lose my temper, give in to my anxiety, let my inner freak out, but I will come back to centre and remember that this isn’t all about me, there are many factors at play. Let go, let it flow, and relax.
Nothing is worth getting so worked up that I hurt others with my words.
Because we can’t take those words back.