Working on my Words

My plans are made.

Waiting and ready to go out, I’m set. I have the clothes on I want to wear, I’ve prepped my friend and told her what time I would be meeting her, and I’m excited.

But wait.

A text from my husband.

“I’m going to be late”

Deep breath.

This is when my anxiety is at its highest point. When my plans don’t go the way they were supposed to. I lose focus, freak my freak, and start targeting the person who I think messed up my night/day/hour/minute.

There are text messages sent, words said, and things I don’t mean but can never take back.

Because I lose control of what I’m saying.

I’m over the top anxious, not aware of my emotions, and exploding.

I want the control back, I want the night to be going the way I planned, and I want the other person to be complying.

But that isn’t the way life works.

We can’t always get what we want and we can’t force our plans to go the way they should all of the time.

I can’t always get what I want.

I have to compromise, understand that other people have obligations, and work around said obligations with patience.

Something I need to work on.

With a lot of deep breaths, understanding, talking it through, and conversations I’m trying.

There will be moments when I’ll lose my temper, give in to my anxiety, let my inner freak out, but I will come back to centre and remember that this isn’t all about me, there are many factors at play. Let go, let it flow, and relax.

Nothing is worth getting so worked up that I hurt others with my words.

Because we can’t take those words back.


say something

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4 Responses to Working on my Words
  1. Kir
    June 9, 2014 | 11:48 am

    I think we all need to do that these days. Stress seems to run rampant once you add in children, full time jobs and marriages.
    But you’re right, saying something in the heat of the moment never helps.

    hope you know your feelings are valid, they are. A night out is so few and far between, I can imagine the angst and disappointment too. SENDING HUGS my friend.

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 9, 2014 | 11:55 am

      thank you so much! You’re words are always so kind and supportive! I love having you stop by xo

  2. Kimberly
    June 13, 2014 | 11:45 am

    It is such a fine line between anxiety and out of control rage. Anxiety wraps our insides up so tightly that any little thing can send us over the edge. Like a looming pin in front of a balloon.
    It is so hard to control what flies out in the thick of it all. It helps to know when the anxiety is not in proportion to the situation…which is so effing hard to do…so hard…

    • multitaskingmumma
      June 16, 2014 | 9:39 am

      very few people understand what I mean when I say a change in plans leads to extreem anxiety.
      But you get it.
      Thank you for getting it.

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