The Words Will Find Me

I run my hands under my eyes and through my hair. There is a deep sigh that escapes my mouth and I let my head hit the table.

I’m out of ideas.

Every time I sit down to write there is nothing.

A blank page staring back at me where words once flowed nicely from one sentance into the next.

Is it the sunshine? The summer? My family? My meds?

I always question the meds.

I want desperatly to communicate the good that is happening all around me but I can’t find the words that I once would have used to describe the horrific sadness I was trapped underneath.

Depression and lonliness is easier for me to write about.

I can reach out, paint a picture, lean in and whisper my secrets.

Bring the reader down to where I am my most vunerable and reach out for help, knowing that I’m not alone in my battle.

Knowing that I’ve got support.

But with happiness it feels mundane. Like, “yah yah, we get it, you’re happy…move along.”

I want to share with you my moments of joy, my rising spirit, my smiling face.

I want there to be pictures of my family and pets, laughing by the pool, running through the grass.

image

Ok, ok, no one’s running.

But because I held on for so long to pain and sadness it’s hard to just switch gears. To move on to a whole new genre that I haven’t allowed myself to write about.

And now I feel I’m lost for words.

Stuck with my hair a mess, fingers lingering over the keyboard, grinding my teeth.

Bear with me, friends.

The words will find me, they always do.

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4 Responses to The Words Will Find Me
  1. Carrie Baughcum
    August 12, 2014 | 7:33 am

    This made me smile so much. Happiness. HAPPINESS!!! It is here for you. It hasn’t just come said hello and left. It has stayed and you are getting to know it. It’s hard to write about strangers. There is still so much to learn about it, to get to know about it. It needs time for you to get to know it, trust it and know it’s here to stay. The words will come. You will be able to start sharing the moments more easily. You know we want to hear them, right?! Because as happy as you are we are so very very happy for you and giggle and laugh and smile at you moments!! XOXOXOXXO

    • multitaskingmumma
      August 13, 2014 | 10:20 am

      You put it so perfectly! It’s hard to write about strangers! What do I say? I don’t know this thing. I know sadness. Thank you for getting it. xoxoxox

  2. Lyla Jackson
    August 12, 2014 | 12:02 pm

    You…read…my…mind.
    I’m in the same boat…
    xoxo

    • multitaskingmumma
      August 13, 2014 | 10:18 am

      I’m thinking of you xo

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