Because When I Have a Bad Day We All Have a Bad Day

You’re agitated. You woke up angry. What’s going on?

I’m fine.

You’re not fine. You taking your meds properly?

YES! why do you always ask me that? why can’t I just have a bad day?

Because YOU don’t just have bad days. when you have a bad day we all have a bad day.

——————————

The truth was I hadn’t taken my meds. I had run out and forgotten to refill them and had missed more than a few days. I was agitated, angry, irritable and my skin was beginning to feel like it didn’t fit right.

I could hear people chewing loudly and wanted to instruct them on how to do it without making noise, the slurping from coffee was making me stabby, and I didn’t want to have conversations because they frustrated me.

But there were still times when I questioned whether I needed my meds or not.

Even with the skin crawling, anxiety induced leg bouncing, and stomach flipping I wasn’t convinced I needed the meds and sometimes I wondered if I was better.

But then things would go really bad.

I would stay off of them for a little too long because I forgot to renew them, I would shout words I didn’t mean to the man I love, lose control and sit on the couch with my hands over my ears, and finally break down and ask for help.

We would have a conversation where he would remind me that I’m not the only one affected by my not taking my meds.

My family is affected too.

They feel the wrath of my irritability, rash decisions, and short temper and during all of it they would have to try to piece together my feelings and moods.

And that wasn’t fair.

Even though I wanted constant reassurance that the meds were working my family deserved a stable person to live with so that they didn’t feel like they were walking on egg shells.

It’s a constant cycle.

I need the meds and I know this about myself. But the relief that they provide cloud my judgement and make me believe I’m better.

Has anyone else felt like this?

Has anyone else gone through the ups and downs of forgetting a med or forgetting to renew a med?

Do you have the supports that pull you back to centre and remind you that everyday you have to be aware of your surroundings, take your proper doses, and fight your battle?

Do you feel like it’s never-ending?

Do you ever feel embarrassed?

I do.

But as hard as it is to be on this rollercoaster there is a light and I’ve found it. There are days when I want to bash my head against a wall because it feels like I’m right back where I started but I know deep down that it isn’t true.

The meds are there to help, not hinder, and we need family and friends who are blunt enough to check in on us. To ask us if we’re feeling okay, and to monitor us.

Because sometimes we lose sight.

I’m not going to say that it will end and you’ll accept the meds, the dosage, or the diagnosis.

But with support you might start to be able to acknowledge that you need some help monitoring.

And we can all use a little help.

I know I could.

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Because When I Have a Bad Day We All Have a Bad Day

You’re agitated. You woke up angry. What’s going on?

I’m fine.

You’re not fine. You taking your meds properly?

YES! why do you always ask me that? why can’t I just have a bad day?

Because YOU don’t just have bad days. when you have a bad day we all have a bad day.

——————————

The truth was I hadn’t taken my meds. I had run out and forgotten to refill them and had missed more than a few days. I was agitated, angry, irritable and my skin was beginning to feel like it didn’t fit right.

I could hear people chewing loudly and wanted to instruct them on how to do it without making noise, the slurping from coffee was making me stabby, and I didn’t want to have conversations because they frustrated me.

But there were still times when I questioned whether I needed my meds or not.

Even with the skin crawling, anxiety induced leg bouncing, and stomach flipping I wasn’t convinced I needed the meds and sometimes I wondered if I was better.

But then things would go really bad.

I would stay off of them for a little too long because I forgot to renew them, I would shout words I didn’t mean to the man I love, lose control and sit on the couch with my hands over my ears, and finally break down and ask for help.

We would have a conversation where he would remind me that I’m not the only one affected by my not taking my meds.

My family is affected too.

They feel the wrath of my irritability, rash decisions, and short temper and during all of it they would have to try to piece together my feelings and moods.

And that wasn’t fair.

Even though I wanted constant reassurance that the meds were working my family deserved a stable person to live with so that they didn’t feel like they were walking on egg shells.

It’s a constant cycle.

I need the meds and I know this about myself. But the relief that they provide cloud my judgement and make me believe I’m better.

Has anyone else felt like this?

Has anyone else gone through the ups and downs of forgetting a med or forgetting to renew a med?

Do you have the supports that pull you back to centre and remind you that everyday you have to be aware of your surroundings, take your proper doses, and fight your battle?

Do you feel like it’s never-ending?

Do you ever feel embarrassed?

I do.

But as hard as it is to be on this rollercoaster there is a light and I’ve found it. There are days when I want to bash my head against a wall because it feels like I’m right back where I started but I know deep down that it isn’t true.

The meds are there to help, not hinder, and we need family and friends who are blunt enough to check in on us. To ask us if we’re feeling okay, and to monitor us.

Because sometimes we lose sight.

I’m not going to say that it will end and you’ll accept the meds, the dosage, or the diagnosis.

But with support you might start to be able to acknowledge that you need some help monitoring.

And we can all use a little help.

I know I could.

Thank you for SharingTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on FacebookEmail this to someonePin on PinterestShare on Tumblr

Related Posts:

There are no comments yet. Be the first and leave a response!

Leave a Reply

Wanting to leave an <em>phasis on your comment?

Trackback URL http://www.multitaskingmumma.com/2014/08/15/bad-day/trackback/