Back to School Thoughts

My mind is filled with back to school thoughts.

Only we aren’t going “back to school.”

This is the first time she’ll be going to school EVER.

There is literally nothing else I can think of to write about besides my trepidation and anxieties surrounding this event.

Oh get over it

I can’t.

Lots of kids go to school, yours is no different.

Yes she is.

She’s mine.

There are so many outside influences that will now be introduced into my child’s life that were not there before. Teacher’s, friends, parents, bully’s, etc.

There will be more birthday parties, sleepovers (hold me), and play dates. There will be independence and “I can do it myself.”

School is the beginning of a stage I have long dreaded because I have held onto the baby stage for so long.

Because of my PPD I felt I missed out on so much of her baby stage, I loomed in a darkness that wouldn’t let go and couldn’t see how bright and beautiful the gift in front of me was.

I want those years back and because I can’t have them I hang on to these ones.


Her going to school is a milestone.

A letting go of sorts.

My baby becoming a big girl.

No more baby.

As much as my heart hurts for those years and as much as I want to hug her tight and not let her go I know that this is important for her. This is exciting and over the moon wonderful. This is the correct order and I want her to have this.

I also want to sheild her from everything that comes with it.

The heart ache, the mean girls, the tears, being left out, embarassment, and teasing,

All part of growing up.

The part that sucks.

But then there’s the high flying, soaring heart, fill your soul, running through the yard, swinging on the swings, laughing with your friends moments that I want her to cherish, experience, and never forget.


They matter the most.

So, school, here she comes.

One more week and she’ll be there with her backpack on, new shoes ready, and lunch packed.

Oh my heart.

My baby is a big girl.



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One Response to Back to School Thoughts
  1. Carrie Baughcum
    August 26, 2014 | 5:05 am

    All of these feelings…you are so not alone! I feel those every new school year and even somedays and even somedays in row. It is so hard letting go. It’s hard letting go and let someone else teach her lessons, knowledge, about our world. It is hard letting go and hoping the interactions she has with her classmates are kind and wonderful. It’s a lot to carry around. A lot to worry about. So I take a deep breath everyday and breath out trusting I’ve done my best withy daughter and trusting others to be kind and love and appreciate my daughter for who they are like I do….can you tell I think about this a lot too?!!! Deep breaths. Deep breaths 😉

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