Feel the Sad

The air was cool and refreshing, sweeping away any sadness I had accumulated over the past week. It had been my idea to go to the pumpkin patch to look at the animals and the veggies, go on a wagon ride and pick some apples.

On the outside my face said I was happy.

And in that moment I was.

But under the surface I had been feeling less than stellar, unable to concentrate on tasks, uneasy in my skin, and could feel the swirl of hopelessness at my feet.

The difference between this time and the previous times was I knew the signals. I knew what depression looked like and I was prepared.

Even so, the comfort that came with it was pulling me in deeper. There was a pillow of understanding in the sadness that I could attach to, it felt welcoming.

I wanted to curl up in my bed, pull the blankets up over my head, and stay there for an eternity with my thoughts of worthlessness, failure, and pity.


But I knew that this was a slippery slope for me. Giving in to those signs meant dangerous thoughts were coming.

To say they didn’t would be a lie.

There in the shadows was depression, lurking, waiting for me to open my arms and invite it in. Would I? I wasn’t sure yet. I had been fighting the feeling for some time and I didn’t know if I wanted to lay my head down in defeat or fight.

It felt like I was always battling something.

For now I’ll feel the sadness, I’ll long for the comfort of a cushion to lay my head on and feel the clouds of loneliness soak me in, and sigh deep sighs.

Because sometimes we just have to feel the feelings and be.

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3 Responses to Feel the Sad
  1. Southern Angel
    October 28, 2014 | 10:14 am

    I am right there with you. My oldest has a lot of issues and is a father. To stand by and know he is not capable of being a father to his child so we fill the shoes kills my soul. Knowing that since the car wreck we cannot handle him full time either is just as painful. today was a crap day, I want to go back to bed, shut the door and make the world go away.. because right now it sucks

    • multitaskingmumma
      October 31, 2014 | 10:25 am

      I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. Know that I am thinking of you xo

  2. Kimberly
    November 7, 2014 | 7:40 am

    Pillow of understanding..that is beautiful…and fucking ugly…but beautifully put.
    We feel it creeping in because we get better at recognizing the symptoms and the people around us do too when we can’t see them.
    We worry that if we let them it, we will succumb to it, yet at the same time we instinctively want to fight. But…if we fight it, it can possibly make it worse. So what are we to do?
    I love you

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