When Crazy People Text

Not only am I awkward in social situations but I say whatever I’m thinking over text too, then hit send before proof reading or thinking through the pros and cons. This can be weird for both me and the receiver.

And I’ve developed texters thumb.

Is there a name for this?

There should be.

—–

Me to my friend: just wanted you to know that grade 6 was the grade I had my first French kiss.
Her: you were a slut
Me: just warning you it might be time to have the sex talk.

——
Me to Brian: when are you coming home? I’m wondering because I’m pretty sure someone is living in the barn across the road.
Don’t rush, I’ll keep watch until you get here.
I’ve closed the curtains and am sitting on the floor peering out.
Text back with the best course of action.
Turn your lights off before you reach the driveway.

——

Me to a friend : I didn’t make a New Years resolution, unless you count not eating until I’m so full of regret I go to my room and cry myself to sleep.
Then yes, I made a resolution

—–
To Brian: The cat has been meowing all morning. Usually this isn’t a cause for concern, I know, but today she’s doing a low moan. I think she’s really dying this time. I’ve prepared a bed for her. She won’t stay in it. She’s looking at me as if to say, “I’ve got years left, lady” and I’m all, “go towards the light.”
Grab treats on the way home. We will have them in her honour.

——

To a Friend: My thumb is spasming cause I text so much. I might lose my thumb. I would be the only person you know with a prosthetic thumb. Unless you know someone else and then that’s pretty cool and you should get us together so I can feel like I have a place in the world. A community.

—–

To a friend: I’m pretty sure I’ve reached the top-level of crazy today. I think I took the elevator and I’m at the penthouse. How do you even get to the penthouse of crazy? I don’t have that kind of money. I can’t even afford the hotels with swimming pools. But here I am in the crazy penthouse bathrobe, feet in the crazy penthouse hot tub, enjoying a crazy penthouse cocktail (which I shouldn’t drink because it interferes wildly with my meds), and looking through the crazy penthouse dinner menu for room service. Seems I won the crazy lottery today!

—–

Someone save me from myself.

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2 Responses to When Crazy People Text
  1. Lisa Henderson
    January 14, 2015 | 2:43 pm

    These just made my day!

  2. Tara
    January 14, 2015 | 11:13 pm

    Makes me wish I was on your texting list! These are the best texts I’ve ever read. 🙂

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