Through the Lollipop Forest

I ate myself into ENORMOUS over Christmas. I think I got to know every chocolate bar intimately and every treat within a 10 mile radius went in my face.

The stores stopped selling me Pot of Gold.

There is a fine line between casually eating a treat with girlfriends while you all giggle over the hilarity of marriage and parenthood, popping chocolates into your mouths and drinking Bailey’s in your coffee, and what I did. I don’t know if there’s a name for what occurred in my house. Maybe I created something so historic there’s going to be a new word in Wikipedia with my picture beside it; face covered in chocolate.


I couldn’t stop the madness and kept eating the delicious morsels of tender sweetness that sent my tongue into a tailspin every time I dropped one into my mouth. Brian would look over in astonishment… or was is pride?

Who can accomplish such a feat? Who in their right mind eats that much in one sitting?

Right mind?


Clearly we are not talking sanity here!

Couple the depression and the grief along with the holidays and the merriment and you have a recipe for disaster. An off the wagon cocktail that is best served cold (and covered in chocolate sauce).

I want to tell you it’s time to put the sweets down, clear up the acne, walk away from the desert table, and pick up the salad.

I want to tell you it’s time to lace up my shoes, get on the treadmill, and track my steps.

I would.

But I’m stuck in a place of “maybe” and “I don’t care,” and it’s a dangerous place to be. I have struggled my whole life so what makes this time any different? I fill my voids with food, I celebrate with food, I calm with food, and I don’t have a shut off.


So I’m struggling with where to go from here. Every night my mind tells me to do what I want, who cares, live the dream – and by dream I mean swimming in a pool of Smart Food while the Smarties wait in the wing. But by morning I feel dragged out and ready to start over.

I need to keep my morning mentality all day.

But getting there and avoiding the lollipop forest and chocolate pond is the problem.

Willpower doesn’t come easily to me, neither does routine or self talk.

So tell me some tips and keep them simple.

I’m easily swayed by the chocolate monster.

You will find me underneath the the wrappers and carbohydrates wondering what my next step should be.




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3 Responses to Through the Lollipop Forest
  1. Nic
    January 16, 2015 | 11:12 am

    My #1 tip don’t bring any of your trigger foods or chocolate into the house. I don’t buy any cookies I like for my kids and buy the flavors of chips for Justin I don’t like. It helps some. It will get better.

  2. Mom
    January 17, 2015 | 8:27 pm

    Nic, Great advice.
    I try to concentrate on eating only vegetables, fruits and protein(meat, eggs, beans). What I like to call the “clean” foods.
    When I manage to do it, it does work.
    Tomorrow I am starting all over again. It is not easy, but worth it when we succeed.
    We only fail it we quit trying.
    Good Luck, honey.

  3. Kimberly
    January 23, 2015 | 10:55 pm

    You can always hide the evidence under my kid’s dresser…little shit…
    I kid. I kid.
    You went through something horrible and did what you had to do to make you feel better. There is no shame in that.
    I’m proud of you for putting one foot in front of the other every day. You should be too.

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