I hugged her way too tight and wouldn’t let go.
She asked me to.
I didn’t want to and asked if I could hang on just a few minutes longer.
It would be one more sleeps until she was 5.
No matter how I wrote it the number seemed impossible.
I remembered her the minute I met her, the smallest hands I had ever seen, the tiniest face looking up at me, my heart bursting with pride.
And she was growing up way too fast.
Soaking in every ounce of her I took stock of her hair colour, its length, her height, her foot size, the shape of her face, her teeth (all of them still there), her eyes, and everything else I could cement into my memory.
Time really did go fast, faster than I ever imagined it would.
There were times when I wanted to bash my head off of the wall, there were days I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom and cry, there were moments I wanted to drive away and stay away.
But they never outweighed the times I wanted to sit on the couch with her in my lap and hug the shit out of her.
She is part of me.
She is the best part of me.
She is an incredible almost 5-year-old who makes my heart swell with happiness, brings the sun to my life, and helped me fight my way from the darkest of places.
Thank you my little chicken.
I’m blessed to be your mother.