Capturing Grief

On October 15th 2012 I had my first miscarriage. It was a pain I have never experienced in my life, one that I can’t equate with anything else, and a memory that holds tight. I was certain I would never feel that kind of loss again.

Then, on December 12, 2014, I had my second miscarriage.

I felt like I had been dropped down a dark hole. Why was this happening to me again? I had so many unanswered questions and blamed myself and my body for my inability to protect my babies.

I found the most comfortable spot was the corner of the couch, curled up under a blanket getting lost in my own head, angry with God, myself, and weighing out whether I should give up.

I don’t think the pain of this loss ever goes away.

Time doesn’t always heal all wounds.

I am reminded every time I see a pregnant woman, every time a friend announces their pregnancy, each time they give birth, and with every picture of their beautiful child. I am reminded when fall arrives and when Christmas comes. My heart aches each time my daughter asks for a sibling and why she doesn’t have one.

But I don’t want to push my memories away either.

I don’t want to pretend they never happened.

They did. They were real.

It was a friend of mine, Jordan, who pointed out a beautiful picture one day that captured the very thing I had been looking for to preserve the memory of my child, living, and my children, not living.

So I contacted my very talented friend, Tracey Clarke of Tracey A. Clarke Photography (I am receiving nothing from this, I just love her and think she does amazing work) to see if she could assist in making my memories a reality.

She said she could.


This was a very important project for me. It brings together the family that I know is there in my heart. The children I know that I have and that I think about so often.

It connected my daughter with her siblings.


This project brought something that can be so dark into the light and filled me with so much happiness. To see those children acknowledged means more to me than I ever thought it could.

Thank you, Tracey for your amazing photography, and for capturing my memories, my grief, and my family perfectly.



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3 Responses to Capturing Grief
  1. Nic
    October 26, 2015 | 8:22 am


  2. Jordan
    October 26, 2015 | 8:29 am

    The pictures turned out perfect! You are a cute little family and I’m thankful to know each and everyone of you! I am glad I have been a part of your journey in life, through the good and the bad. Thankful for life long friends. xo

  3. Trish
    October 26, 2015 | 8:44 am

    This is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I have seen…..ever. She should offer this as a service. I don’t know if she could ever fit our whole family in..but it would be a beautiful moment for sure. I am so glad you have some visual validation. Love u

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