Okay, that’s not accurate.
I’m deathly ill.
I even took a couple of days to try to get better and re-evaluate how I felt and guess what?
I’m still dying.
My sinuses are throbbing, there is a mysterious pain going from the middle of my face up into my eye-ball, and my nostrils are swollen from blowing my nose so much.
I’m almost certain my nose is broken.
How do you even cure a broken nose due to abrasive tissue?
Who do you go to for that?
“Excuse me, but I need to see someone because I have broken my nose… no, I am not a hockey player, although I do have a robust frame and would fit well in a hockey net, I’m pretty sure it’s from the build up of boogers that came home on my child from kindergarten and then transferred onto me. My nose simply could not handle the pressure and has caved in on itself. Please help me.”
But no one wants to help.
I’ve still managed to go to work, do two presentations, and be the glue that holds my family together.
Or changes the damn toilet paper, whatever.
That being said, I’ve loaded myself up with Tylenol, warm cloths, and cold medications.
The side effects make LSD look like Tums.
During my foggiest moments I vaguely remember agreeing to a hamster. There were loud squeals of joy inches from my face. Instinctively I put my hands up to protect my nose and promptly passed out.
Navigating a snotty haze will do that to you.
Neither my husband or I really remember the full discussion regarding the rodent but we have both been sick. My daughter informs me that since her fish have died she’s lonely, she has no one to talk to, and she needs a friend to keep her company.
I have taught this child the art of manipulation well.
Only child mom guilt is swallowing me whole.
Along with massive amounts of sinus pain.
Pass the meth… I mean cold medication.
And clear the dresser off kid… Hamster comin’ atcha.
Hopefully my cold clears before we get to Pet Valu.