Welcome, Hamsty… you smelly shit

We’re nearing the end of March Break… one more day to go. Hang in there guys, we can do this.

My cold has almost cleared up and my nose is shrinking down to normal human size, however, the shape may be changed forever leading me to put in a claim for plastic surgery…

For all of my body.

Totally legit.

If you’ll recall, I was in quite a fog last week causing me to agree to the potential purchase of a rodent.

Due to the illness striking my husband as well, and because he is the animal whisperer (seriously, every mammal, rodent, and amphibian in the entire world flocks to him like he’s Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura Pet Detective) he really didn’t disapprove of the small furry, smelly addition to our family.


I was certain the idea of a hamster would blow over in a couple of days. Who would remember anyway with the amount of cold medication and booze we were consuming?

The five year old. That’s who.

Because she’s sober.

So upon picking her up from school on the day we now refer to as “H” day, or rodent day, or please pick up all of those shavings off of the floor day, or the day my home started to smell like ass, she was pumped!

We met this little critter at the pet store and our daughter chose her quickly. We decided on a baby because she could grow with our daughter and, quite frankly, wouldn’t die as soon as the older ones. Hamsters have a life expectancy of 2 years.

Annnd marking the calendar starting now.

We were informed that the hamster, known at this point as Shy Star, would need to be left alone in her cage for two days, no one touching her, in order for her to get used to her environment.

Done. Cue five year old staring into cage for seven hours a day.

Once it was time to actually engage with the hamster, now known as Hamsty, the entire family was seriously excited!

Hamsty? Not so much.

Things you should know about hamsters:

1.They are fast. Faster than you can ever imagine. Don’t blink or said ball of fur will be lost under the spare room bed.

2.They love to run. Love it. The little assholes live for it. And they want to do it when you sleep.

3.They’re small and can fit into the smallest spaces. If their noses can fit into the space their body can too.

4.They don’t even give a care, they’ll pee on you and then bite you if it means freedom.

5.Their cages stink. They are insanely clean rodents but keep horribly smelly cages.

Hamsty is slowly adjusting to her new family and we are getting used to her and the constant running in the night, however; there are no pictures of her because she still kind of hates us.

Forcing love takes time.

But if the relationship between hamster and child is going to be anything like the relationship between child and cat, I think Hamsty’s making a wise move.





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