Category Archives: Humour

These Pants are Supposed to be Tight

My friend Kim honoured me with a Liebster award. *takes bow, nods at crowd In order to accept I had to answer some questions… I know you all love learning more about me Yes you do. Yes, you do. 1. Are you that guy in your neighborhood who feeds the wildlife? If by wildlife you…

Things I’ve said this Week

Ohhh, the things I say in a week.. looking back I really shake my head. “Please stop kicking my vagina.” “No, we do not put blankets over the cat’s face.” “I’ve asked you before not to lick the garbage can.” “Oral hygiene is great but you do not need to brush your teeth four times…

Mom Super Powers Gone Wrong

When super powers backfire…. Her: Mommy, I can’t get this play doh out! Me: I can help Her: No you can’t. It’s too hard. Me: I can, I have super powers. Her: What kind. Me: Mom super powers. Her: Yah? Me: Yup, when you become a mom you get them. Her: What sort? Me: Like…

One Last Bite

Remember when I was getting healthy and was focused on what I was putting into my body? When I was planning meals, making a healthy lunch, not eating after 6, and walking every day? That went to hell. I feel bloated and nauseous and a little dizzy. Don’t stare. It’s just the half of chocolate…

Dreaming of Unicorns

Each night I slide softly into my side of the bed, snuggle down deep into the covers, pull them up to my chin, stick one leg out and drift off to sleep. Ha. Who are we kidding. I wish that’s how I went to sleep. But I’m bipolar so sleep is like the unicorn everyone…

Ten Reason’s Mom’s are Ninja’s

I’ve realized a few things since being a mom. I’m actually a lot more than that…   1. We wear black a lot of the time and tell people it’s slimming 2. We “have eyes in the back of our head” and ears around corners. 3. We have reflexes like a cat and can prevent…

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Footloose and Fancy Free?

Part of the decision to not have anymore children has meant I’ve been thinking about going through our baby things, sorting, and giving away what I don’t want anymore. I thought this would be an easy process. I had no idea that mothers had been hiding secrets and the process is the devils work and…

Robocop vs the Mermaid

After watching Robocop this weekend my husband and I had a converstation about what we would like to be should a bomb blow us up and the only option left was to turn us into a robot. Me: Just so you’re aware, if I’m ever blown up and the possibility of my becoming a robot…

You Know You’re a Mom When

I used to wonder when I would feel like a mom. Would it be when my child looked up at me with tear drop eyes? Would it be when I heard her say I love you for the first time? Maybe the first time I softly sang my child off to sleep. Beotch please. Being a mother is…