Tag Archive: baby

Why Not Me?

Starting at the blank screen in front of me I can feel the words that want to escape but will them back, there isn’t an appropriate time for them and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But the overwhelming sense of sadness and frustration that comes from finding out a friend is pregnant when…

All of the Babies

So you’ve decided not to have anymore children. For whatever reason. Maybe you have enough. Maybe you’ve HAD enough. Maybe you’re blessed and your heart is full and you are happy with the number you’re at, or you’re like me and you’re heart wants more, just one, please, but that’s not happening so you’re adjusting,…

Footloose and Fancy Free?

Part of the decision to not have anymore children has meant I’ve been thinking about going through our baby things, sorting, and giving away what I don’t want anymore. I thought this would be an easy process. I had no idea that mothers had been hiding secrets and the process is the devils work and…

One Day

One day I’ll see those two pink lines spread out in front of me and I’ll rejoice. Ill jump for joy. Ill call out to heaven. Ill twirl and whirl. Because you were so very wanted. One day I’ll feel those little flutters turn into jabs underneath my ribs and I’ll run my hands over…

When Your Doctor Uses Big Words

Going into the doctor’s office I was floating! I envisioned her bright smile, tiny stature, and blond bob bouncing into the room, full of great ideas and promise. We’re going to get this right out of the way, TODAY! I pictured her rushing me to the bathroom, pregnancy test in hand, and gabbing like girlfriends…

The Baby House

When our last pregnancy ended we told our daughter very little. She was smaller then. And my heart hurt so very much. Talking about it ached. But the thing about children is their incredible perception, depth and awareness about what goes on around them. Even when you are certain they aren’t listening… they are. Last…

181 Days

6 months ago I laid in a hospital bed while a dr. told me I’d lost the baby I’d been so happy to be growing. All I could think was I’d lost it because I was such a terrible mother for the first two years of my daughter’s life and I didn’t deserve another shot….

Cracked Nipples? Yes Please!

Shortly after having my daughter, and being diagnosed with PPD, I remember staring at my busy baby and wondering how anyone ever got to the point of wanting more children. I couldn’t imagine someone wanting to go through sleepless nights, explosive diapers, or sore nipples a second time. And I couldn’t imagine going through PPD…

Proudly Becoming a Mom

Today, while we were leaving the mall, a normal scene of baby love presented itself. Women pouring themselves over a newborn. Swooning, oohing, awwing, and drooling over the chubby hands, precious coos, and endless charm that a new infant has. The sweet smells, tiny clothing, and perfect nose. The innocent cries. As we got closer…