Tag Archive: humour

It’s not my Driving

My car and I had been together for almost three years, the tires were getting a little on the rough side and I knew the rims would be screaming for a new pair soon enough. But where would the money come from? As I drove back from dropping my daughter off at daycare on one…

Let the Panic Begin

I sat, clicking the pen over and over until the clicks blended into one another and became a distant hum to my thoughts. What would I do now? I had cleaned the kitchen, done laundry, cleaned the bedrooms, and written in my journal. My daughter was sleeping and showed no signs of waking up. Sigh….

These Pants are Supposed to be Tight

My friend Kim honoured me with a Liebster award. *takes bow, nods at crowd In order to accept I had to answer some questions… I know you all love learning more about me Yes you do. Yes, you do. 1. Are you that guy in your neighborhood who feeds the wildlife? If by wildlife you…

Mom Super Powers Gone Wrong

When super powers backfire…. Her: Mommy, I can’t get this play doh out! Me: I can help Her: No you can’t. It’s too hard. Me: I can, I have super powers. Her: What kind. Me: Mom super powers. Her: Yah? Me: Yup, when you become a mom you get them. Her: What sort? Me: Like…

One Last Bite

Remember when I was getting healthy and was focused on what I was putting into my body? When I was planning meals, making a healthy lunch, not eating after 6, and walking every day? That went to hell. I feel bloated and nauseous and a little dizzy. Don’t stare. It’s just the half of chocolate…

Dreaming of Unicorns

Each night I slide softly into my side of the bed, snuggle down deep into the covers, pull them up to my chin, stick one leg out and drift off to sleep. Ha. Who are we kidding. I wish that’s how I went to sleep. But I’m bipolar so sleep is like the unicorn everyone…

Robocop vs the Mermaid

After watching Robocop this weekend my husband and I had a converstation about what we would like to be should a bomb blow us up and the only option left was to turn us into a robot. Me: Just so you’re aware, if I’m ever blown up and the possibility of my becoming a robot…

You Know You’re a Mom When

I used to wonder when I would feel like a mom. Would it be when my child looked up at me with tear drop eyes? Would it be when I heard her say I love you for the first time? Maybe the first time I softly sang my child off to sleep. Beotch please. Being a mother is…

A little bit of Sunshine

The other day I was tossed some sunshine by my friend Kimberly from All Work and no Play Makes Mommy go Something Something. She’s the Shit. She asked me to answer some questions and then the sun would come. She also threatened me. So, with one hand above my head and the other covering my…