Tag Archive: Infertility

Capturing Grief

On October 15th 2012 I had my first miscarriage. It was a pain I have never experienced in my life, one that I can’t equate with anything else, and a memory that holds tight. I was certain I would never feel that kind of loss again. Then, on December 12, 2014, I had my second…

Infertility Awareness Week

Her words were banging around in my head while I sat in her office. “Secondary infertility.” That wasn’t right. Was it? No. I was supposed to grow up, have babies, raise them, screw them up, and live happily ever after. There was no “infertility” in my future. I had read about the crippling effects of…

Let the Shattered Pieces Fall

Just when I thought the feelings had dissipated and I might be on the mend a flash of a baby’s hand and a sweet foot came across my computer screen and I was swept away, back to December when my heart was torn from my chest and I was left disappointed, heartbroken, and lost for the second time….

My Heartache

She placed her hand gently over mine and sighed. I had no idea what was coming next but was certain it was bad news. I braced myself and looked to her for the words she was having such a hard time getting out. What could be so difficult? Taking a drink from her water she…

Why Not Me?

Starting at the blank screen in front of me I can feel the words that want to escape but will them back, there isn’t an appropriate time for them and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But the overwhelming sense of sadness and frustration that comes from finding out a friend is pregnant when…

But Will You Have More?

Now that we’ve made the decision not to have anymore children discussions surrounding babies, children, and pregnancy has become harder for other people than it is for me. They still want me to reproduce. Even though I can’t without the aid of medication, tracking, praying, standing on my head, jumping up and down, running in…

Putting Infertility to Rest

It had taken a long time to come to the decision that we had but Brian and I were finally comfortable and ready to move onto that next step. I sat with the phone to my ear listening to it ring into the gynecologists office, my heard pounding harder with every ring, I was actually…

In Like a Whisper

Shhh Did you hear that? It was a whisper. But not quite. It was so quiet I almost didn’t catch it. That’s how you came into my life. Like a whisper. But not really. So quiet I almost didn’t catch you. And then? You were gone. But I knew you were there. Even if no…

All of the Babies

So you’ve decided not to have anymore children. For whatever reason. Maybe you have enough. Maybe you’ve HAD enough. Maybe you’re blessed and your heart is full and you are happy with the number you’re at, or you’re like me and you’re heart wants more, just one, please, but that’s not happening so you’re adjusting,…