Tag Archive: miscarriage

Closure…tied up

Why did you do this? Why didn’t your husband do this? He’s weak! He’s selfish! He’s afraid! He doesn’t support you! No.  Wrong.  Ultimately the decision to have my tubes “tied” this past week (although this is far from what happens and if that is what truly happened it would have been much more pleasant)…

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Capturing Grief

On October 15th 2012 I had my first miscarriage. It was a pain I have never experienced in my life, one that I can’t equate with anything else, and a memory that holds tight. I was certain I would never feel that kind of loss again. Then, on December 12, 2014, I had my second…

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Here in the Dark

The familiar smell of the building hit me in the face as I walked through the doors. I made note of it, remembering the last time I’d been a patient. Over a year ago. I had been discharged because I was stable and we had found the right dosage. The right cocktail. I was finding…

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Let the Shattered Pieces Fall

Just when I thought the feelings had dissipated and I might be on the mend a flash of a baby’s hand and a sweet foot came across my computer screen and I was swept away, back to December when my heart was torn from my chest and I was left disappointed, heartbroken, and lost for the second time….

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My Heartache

She placed her hand gently over mine and sighed. I had no idea what was coming next but was certain it was bad news. I braced myself and looked to her for the words she was having such a hard time getting out. What could be so difficult? Taking a drink from her water she…

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Just Fake Smile

She wrapped her arms around me and held on longer than I would expect a co-worker to; her face a mixture of “I’m sorry,” and “I don’t know what to say so maybe I’ll hug you again.” Just as predicted her arms reached out for me again. I could feel the tears welling up in my…

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It’s Not Time Yet

There’s a gray veil that covers the landscape and the skies are dark. That’s how it looks. Even though the sun is shining. I burrow deeper under the blanket and curl up tighter on the far end of the couch. I feel guilty for taking up this space, for not feeling like moving, for my continued sadness….

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Again!!

Trigger warning * this post deals with pregnancy loss. My jaw dropped as I stood staring down at the two pink lines in front of me. Whoa. I grabbed the stick and tucked around the corner into the bedroom where Brian was getting dressed. “Hun?” I stood holding the two pink lines waiting for his…

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Why October Hurts

I sat on the bed and went through the basket I had pulled down from the top of the closet. Items I hadn’t seen in some time, many put up there because they had no other place, others because I didn’t want to see them anymore. Soothers that had been taken away by the “meme” fairy,…

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Tag Archive: miscarriage

Closure…tied up

Why did you do this? Why didn’t your husband do this? He’s weak! He’s selfish! He’s afraid! He doesn’t support you! No.  Wrong.  Ultimately the decision to have my tubes “tied” this past week (although this is far from what happens and if that is what truly happened it would have been much more pleasant)…

Thank you for SharingTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on FacebookEmail this to someonePin on PinterestShare on Tumblr

Capturing Grief

On October 15th 2012 I had my first miscarriage. It was a pain I have never experienced in my life, one that I can’t equate with anything else, and a memory that holds tight. I was certain I would never feel that kind of loss again. Then, on December 12, 2014, I had my second…

Thank you for SharingTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on FacebookEmail this to someonePin on PinterestShare on Tumblr

Here in the Dark

The familiar smell of the building hit me in the face as I walked through the doors. I made note of it, remembering the last time I’d been a patient. Over a year ago. I had been discharged because I was stable and we had found the right dosage. The right cocktail. I was finding…

Thank you for SharingTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on FacebookEmail this to someonePin on PinterestShare on Tumblr

Let the Shattered Pieces Fall

Just when I thought the feelings had dissipated and I might be on the mend a flash of a baby’s hand and a sweet foot came across my computer screen and I was swept away, back to December when my heart was torn from my chest and I was left disappointed, heartbroken, and lost for the second time….

Thank you for SharingTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on FacebookEmail this to someonePin on PinterestShare on Tumblr

My Heartache

She placed her hand gently over mine and sighed. I had no idea what was coming next but was certain it was bad news. I braced myself and looked to her for the words she was having such a hard time getting out. What could be so difficult? Taking a drink from her water she…

Thank you for SharingTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on FacebookEmail this to someonePin on PinterestShare on Tumblr

Just Fake Smile

She wrapped her arms around me and held on longer than I would expect a co-worker to; her face a mixture of “I’m sorry,” and “I don’t know what to say so maybe I’ll hug you again.” Just as predicted her arms reached out for me again. I could feel the tears welling up in my…

Thank you for SharingTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on FacebookEmail this to someonePin on PinterestShare on Tumblr

It’s Not Time Yet

There’s a gray veil that covers the landscape and the skies are dark. That’s how it looks. Even though the sun is shining. I burrow deeper under the blanket and curl up tighter on the far end of the couch. I feel guilty for taking up this space, for not feeling like moving, for my continued sadness….

Thank you for SharingTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on FacebookEmail this to someonePin on PinterestShare on Tumblr

Again!!

Trigger warning * this post deals with pregnancy loss. My jaw dropped as I stood staring down at the two pink lines in front of me. Whoa. I grabbed the stick and tucked around the corner into the bedroom where Brian was getting dressed. “Hun?” I stood holding the two pink lines waiting for his…

Thank you for SharingTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on FacebookEmail this to someonePin on PinterestShare on Tumblr

Why October Hurts

I sat on the bed and went through the basket I had pulled down from the top of the closet. Items I hadn’t seen in some time, many put up there because they had no other place, others because I didn’t want to see them anymore. Soothers that had been taken away by the “meme” fairy,…

Thank you for SharingTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponShare on LinkedInShare on Google+Share on FacebookEmail this to someonePin on PinterestShare on Tumblr